General insanityZim walked into his base one day to find the linoleum floor coated in fish sticks.
GIR and Pig sat in the middle, on the only not-fish stick-coated place. GIR was carefully making this space smaller by laying
out even more fish sticks.
“GIR! Why is the floor covered in HUMAN AQUATIC ANIMAL FOOD PRODUCTS?”
for a minute or two, trying to remember. Then his eyes lit up to eye-hurting um… volume and he screamed, “ME AND
PIG ARE PLAYING DOMINOS!”
“Rrrrgh. Clean it up GIR. RIGHT THIS INSTANT!” (He thinks GIR will listen)
I know how to clean it up reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(gasp)eeeeeeaaaaaal quick!”
Zim looked at his robot, which
stared back with his laser-bright eyes. Then GIR pulled a boom box out of his head, and turned it all the way up. Green Day
blared out of the speakers incredibly loudly, and somewhere three blocks away a kid with a hearing aid had his head explode
because the hearing aide was picking up the buried messages and converting them into nuclear energy.
Back at Zim’s
base, GIR threw the boom box into the air. It fell back to Earth, and it should have broken, but the fall was cushioned by
the layers of fish sticks. GIR jumped into them and began break dancing. This didn’t do anything except crush the fish
sticks into tiny pieces which would never really get all the way cleaned up. Pig saw an opening and rushed for the open door.
He made it out and was just breathing a sigh of relief when an ambulance driving by squished several vital organs. Pig dies
a slow horrible death.
(Dear God I’m sick. Can’t you see I need help)
“GIR! Stop it! You’re
going to make this impossible to clean up!”
“I’LL FIX IT!”
Several lasers emerged from GIR’s
head and set about incinerating the fish sticks. Actually, it reduced them to a black dust that melted into glass and fused
to the floor.
AND THEN DIB SHOWED UP!
But he was hit by a laser and knocked out. He flew backward and skidded along
the street in a most amusing fashion. (TRY THIS!) But due to Cartoon Physics he was totally okay. Zim laughed his green alien
ass off, and then there was the whole story about chasing it through the alternate dimensions trying to reattach it, like
some sick alien form of Peter Pan and his fucking shadow.
“Good job, GIR!” Zim said when he returned. “You
knocked out the enemy!”
But then he was hit by a laser himself. He was thrown backward into a wall, and knocked out.
He was in so deep that when he went to collapse onto the floor he got stuck the, in the wall. It was very sad. And then a
goose flew overhead and shit on the roof of his house which made the entire security system short out beyond any slight glimmer
of a hope of repairing it.
AND THEN THERE’S THIS BABY!.
When Zim woke up, he was still stuck to a wall but
not the same one he was stuck to before. I t occurred to him that he was getting very good at getting stuck to walls, and
he considered seeing if he could make a job out of it. But he wasn’t really stuck to a wall, he was stuck to a chair/restraint
thing not quite unlike the one that you would see in the Halloween episode if you watched that episode, which you did because
chances are you’re an obsessive hellfan like me.
BUT that’s not the point. After squirming around a bit Zim
saw that Dib was actually stuck to a similar chair-thingie next to his. He couldn’t see it very well though because
it was pretty dark in there.
“DIB! What did you do?”
Dib groaned groggily, like you would do if you were
coming to after being hit with a laser. The he groaned like you would do if, upon waking, you were to find yourself tied to
a scary chair-thing in a dark room.
“Quit you moaning Earth Stink. WHERE ARE WE?”
“I don’t know!
How should I know? Retardondo alien.” (- MY CURSE! BOO-YAH)
Just then a door a bit above them opened and a really
bright white light flooded onto them, making their eyes burn really a lot because their pupils were all expanded n stuff.
yeah, plus there was a really cool and evil looking silhouette there. It was very dramatic, but no one appreciated it because
the two boys were trying to clutch at their burning eyes, and they couldn’t because they were tied to chairs, DUH!
guys,” said the voice of the person at the top of the stairs (which they could now see because a light switch had been
flicked.) “How’s it going?”
“Um, well, we’re tied to chairs…” Dib said, confused.
yes that is kind of part of my plan, so yes, you are. And don’t try to escape, or it’ll get tighter.”
discreetly yanks on one arm and is rewarded by the ropes getting tighter and cutting off any and all blood flow to his hand.
It turns really dark green, but you can’t tell because he’s wearing those gloves)
Zim squeaks, starting to worry about nerve damage.
“Hey wait a second…. Gaz?” Dib said, looking at the
figure descending the stairs.
“Oh? Yeah, it is me. Sorry, I thought I said so.”
“Um, can you untie
“No, I’m not going to.”
“WHY?” Zim demanded.
“Because I have ulterior
motives here. Shut up so I can tell you about it first.”
They shut up.
“You two idiots are always bugging
me. ALL THE TIME! So I-”
“We don’t bug you all the time!” Dib protested.
Gaz growled, and reached
up to the ceiling. She pulled down a view screen out of nowhere. The screen flickered to life. On it was an image of Dib yammering
on and on about a chupacabra. Close up on Gaz growling and looking bugged. The scene switched to an image of Dib grabbing
the last piece of pizza out of the fridge, while talking seriously about vampire squirrels. It switched to a scene of Dib
grabbing the last burrito to use as ‘bait for a Mexican Bigfoot.’ It switched to a scene of Zim planting something
huge in Dib’s front yard, and screaming at GIR to shut up, before they were noticed. A scene of Zim and Dib running
past Gaz at Skool, splashing her with mud. Then she was splashed with water. A scene of Zim walking past her in a hall, covered
in meat. As he walks by, a piece of meat falls off, causing Gaz to step in it. It is huge, and she gets meat crap all over
her pant leg. (I’m totally losing the insanity I started with here)
Dib and Zim got more nervous as the movie went
by. Finally, the movie ended, and the view screen folded back up into the ceiling. There was silence for a minute.
yeah. Would it help if we said we were reeeeeeealy sorry?” Dib asked hopefully. Gaz shook her head slowly.
come on. That’s not that bad. You should see what they used to do to Skoodge back on Irk.”
Skoodge?” Dib asked, temporarily distracted.
“He’s a short, AWFUL little Irken no one likes.”
UP! You’re bugging me again!”
“We could leave, you know,” Zim said, tilting his head a bit.
you can’t. Not yet anyway. I’m going to remove your brains first.”
“Uhhh…. I need my brain,”
Zim said, not really getting the concept. “Take Dib’s brain. It’s big enough for both of us.”
What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means your head is BIG, EARTH MAGGOT!”
walked into the shadows, and returned wheeling a big tray of saw and knives and other nice sharp implements.
are you gonna do with that?” Dib stammered.
“I’m going to remove your brains.”
die!” He protested.
“Eh. Not my problem.”
(Gaz was actually planning to replace thier brains with
robot brains that would make them her slaves, but she figured she could tell them later)
(Meanwhile, in Zim’s head)
this is a rather interesting way to study earthling insanity.
Plus it would be cool to see Dib’s gargantuan head
get taken out.
But I need my brain to control my motor functions. (BIG WORDS)
So I could just escape and see Dib later.
this a good idea?
Yes I think so.
LET’S DO IT!
With that, Zim popped the spider legs out of his backpack
and used them to free himself from the chair, which was not quite unlike the one in Halloween spectacular, and run up the
stairs away from Dib and his crazy sister. Behind him he could hear Dib screaming for him to come back. (Because Zim’s
such a nice person who is always looking to lend a helping hand) Then Dib was just plain screaming. Zim guessed that he was
having his brain removed.
Ah, well. Not my problem.