(raises arms)

Yes, my loyal fans! I have returned, shortly, to write this little scrap of ‘literature’ which is a horrible parody. It is a parody of a parody. The characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez. The original anti-fic idea is Krin’s. (she is amazing, GO READ HER STUFF!)

I’m just copying it to use on IZ.

I am making fun of a seriously overused story Idea here. I myself have tried writing this and failed so I make fun of all of you who pulled it off.

Do not be offended.

Do not beat me with baseball bats.

Please?

(The tallest are getting annoyed by Zim. They wait until he is done rambling and then send some lackey into the Massive’s dungeon to get a mysterious ‘invader’)

“I’m bored,” said Tallest Purple. “Bored. Bored. Boredboredboredbored.”

“I almost wish Zim would call.” said Red, staring out a window at the boring blackness of space. “At least telling him he’s stupid would be something to do.”

“boredboredbored…”

“BOOOOP! BOOOP! BOOOP! AN ALARM IS GOING OFF BOOOOOOP!!”

“Hey! What’s that?” said Red, looking around at the flashing red lights with bored interest.

“I dunno.”

The question was answered a second later when an armed guard rushed onto the flight deck of the massive.

“SIRS! Someone has escaped from the maximum security prison on board!”

Blank stares from the bored Tallest.

“There’s a highly trained invader loose on the Massive!”

The Tallest shared a suddenly panicked look.

“The only invader on the Massive would have to be…”

(Introduction of invader: she has cool gothic name that no one would actually name their kid.)

“INVADER MANDY????”

“The exact one, sirs!”

“Catch her!” Yelled Purple, running away to hide under his bed.

“QUICK!” Red called, running after him.

Meanwhile, on a lower command deck primarily used for storing cruisers and other trans-space vehicles, a dark figure is prowling, staying in the shadows.
“Com on, there has to be something here I can get away on…”

The figure’s eyes fell on a well-worn voot cruiser that would probably not be missed for a while. Grinning a bit, she threw the door open, searching around for the access code. After a few seconds she found it, and after plugging it in, the lights of the ship came on, clearly illuminating her.

(Physical description of invader: She has the invader’s uniform, but with a choker or lipstick or earrings or something that makes her different from all other invaders. Plus she has eyes that are a weird color, like black. She is violently insane and doesn‘t make much sense.)

Her face was set into a mask of determination, her purple eyes narrowed into slits. Her black-gloved hands roamed over the unfamiliar controls, searching for autopilot, anything that would get her off the Massive.

A guard walked by, undoubtedly looking for her. His eyes flicked over the figure in the pilot’s seat, taking in the image, then disregarding it. There was nothing to set Mandy apart from any other Irken. She liked it that way, it was safer in her line of work.

After barely a second of looking, she found it, throwing the ship forward and up, toward the airlock. It parted, letting hr into the cramped area. The metal door behind her closed, the ones in front of her opened, and the little ship was sucked into the vacuum of space.

The autopilot was set, Mandy didn’t know to where.

“I hope it’s not one of those exploding head planets…”

(The Tallest send this invader to Earth to join Zim. They are trying to get rid of her.)

Red’s head peeked out from under the bed. Next to his head was one of the giant windows the Massive was famous for.

“Hey, who’s that?” he asked. Purple’s head stuck out next to his.

“No one’s scheduled to leave the Massive for a few hours. So it could only be…”

“YES! She’s gone!”

“I wonder where to?”

“Ah, who cares. Exploding head planet, hopefully.”

The immediate danger passed, the Tallest forgot about it, and went to eat donuts.

(After along trip through space, the Invader’s ship crashes near Zim’s house. Dib sees it, but just thinks it’s Zim or something.)

“Wow,” said Mandy a few seconds later. “This must be one of those new hyperspace models.”

She looked around at her surroundings. The planet she had landed on was a bright green, with a bright blue sky. It wasn’t the calm purples of Irk, but she hadn’t seen that in years either.

This planet was nice enough.

She recognized a ‘forest’ type setting from survival training. On Irk the trees were mostly cut down, but the blue things she had seen there looked enough like these brown and green things that she recognized them. She wondered if there was life on this planet other than the plants.

Scrambling out of the cockpit of the Voot, the sent a small probe up above the trees, the radio signals sending the images directly to the ocular implants behind her purple eyes.

“Looks like some kind of city.”

She saw, upon magnifying the images, that the indigenous life was slightly irkenoid, if tall. She could fit in very well as a child. But she needed a disguise.

Using the basic equipment built into all Irken ships, she created a good enough disguise, trading faceted purple eyes for white ones, with blue irises. Her antennae were covered by a wig of brown hair. Satisfied that she looked sufficiently un-evolved, she activated a hologram in the Voot, hiding it in the green, and set off toward the city.

Meanwhile, about a half a mile away, Dib was stitting in the tree in Zim’s neighbor’s yard, asleep. He had intended to watch Zim’s house all day but instead had fallen asleep, missing two photo-ops, a large explosion, a moose ejecting itself from the ground, and a military takeover of the ant farm in Zim’s yard.

Zim was inside staring at the TV trying to figure out why GIR was laughing so damn hard at a TV that wasn’t even plugged in.

(Invader goes to Zim’s base. She finds Zim and they hate each other, because they’re so different. Or, alternatively, she remembers him from some old romance etc. in their past and she likes him.)

Five minutes later, Mandy entered the suburbs of the city. And right about there she found a little green house which was really tall.

“Wait a minute… that’s an Irken power signal!” she said, locking onto the house’s defense system. “Why have the humans got Irken power? Why just this one house?”

Slowly, as not to disturb the gnomes which stood guard, the crept to the front door, pushing it open. If Dib had been awake to see this, he would have exploded with envy, so we’re all glad he is asleep, still.

Mandy looked around the house, wondering what sort of primitive creatures lived like this. There was a loud thing blathering in one corner, and laughing manically at it was a little green creature she supposed was some earth inhabitant.

Standing next to it was… an Irken!

She was about to say something or get some defense of some great ingenious thing like that when the Irken spoke to her.

“Where did YOU come from?”

“Outside, duh.”

The other Irken looked puzzled, like this wasn’t the answer he had expected.

“strange strange humans,” he muttered under his breath, then, louder, “And why have you come to invade the normal earth-stink house of ZIM?”

“To find out why you have an Irken power core.” pause. “So why do you?”

“Umm… I DON’T! It is a normal inferior power… uh… thingie.”

Mandy looked over the readouts playing down the left side of her vision. They were definitely Irken.

“You’re lying. Are you Irken then or what? You can’t be an invader, the only one left is Tenn, and, no offense, but this ain’t Meekrob.”

“YOU DARE INSULT THE INVADER-NESS OF INVADER ZIM??”

“Invader…” Mandy searched her mind. That name rang a bell, an awful, awful bell….

“YOU! I remember you!” she glared at Zim. He stared back, not noticing her change in demeanor. “You’re the reason I was locked up for being insane!”

Zim blinked, the expression not changing.

(Flashback to past where Zim and her were friends, COMING IN CHAPTER 2!!)

This chappie is dedicated to Karvian, no I’m not ignoring you, my IDIOT COMPUTER won’t let me reply. (hefts shovel.)

(flashback to when she and Zim were friends.)

“You were always mean to me! Even when we were smeets, you would always push me out of the way to cut me in line. Look, I still have a scar from when you pushed me all the way off a platform! And when you, in your grand stupidity made tallest Spork get eaten, I got blamed! And even when they figured out it was you I STILL got locked in the dungeons of the Massive! I blame you for this.”

“Yeah, yeah, you got blamed for something I, THE AMAZING ZIM, did. You should be HONORED to be given credit!”

“CREDIT??”

“Yes.”

(Zim and the new invader team up and destroy the Earth together. Or at least do horrible stuff to Dib.)

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!”

Mandy fished around her immediate area, looking for some sort of weapon or something.

“Computer! Stop her!”

A robo-arm came racing out of the wall to attack Mandy. She grabbed it, snapping the cord. The claw twitched harmlessly.

“Oooww,” the computer whined. “That hurt.”

“Too bad.”

Mandy advanced on Zim, who was yelling at GIR to go into defense mode. GIR ate a muffin. It was a good muffin.

(Dib comes crashing through the door.)

Dib came crashing through the door.

“That hurt,” moaned the computer again.

“Shut up!” everybody said together.

“Who the heck are you?” Mandy said, still keeping Zim in the corner.

“I’m Dib. I’m trying to prove that that kid there is an alien. Did you know he was an alien, too? Hey, we could join forces, and”

“And how about no. Yes, he’s an alien, and he’s a pain in the ass, and I’m going to kill him now. No, we’re not joining forces with some dumb human.”

“You’re an alien, too?”

“Nothing gets past you, Dib-monkey,” Zim said. He was rewarded with a poke by the robo claw.

“Shut up, you. And yes, I am an alien. But you cannot tell because my disguise is so amazing, unlike his.” She poked Zim again. “Is that really all you have?”