Invader Zim Fanfiction

Humans are stretching
Because of Zim
Bloody Valentine
Body Switchers
Dib's Mind
General Insanity
God save the Dib
Hello Darkness
Hot Dogs
Humans are stretching
Johnny Meets Zim
New Class of DOOM!
Short Endings
Single Mistake
The Nightmare Ends
The Sight
Thirteen Years Later
Transportal Doom
You Know

Zim and Dib... SWITCH BODIES!!! WOOOO!

Original characters by Jhonen Vasquez. (Didja know he came up with the ENTIRE Zim idea in one hour? I betcha didn’t know that.)

Story idea by Chineseisgreek2me (She asked me to write it, so I have a swelled head now. I betcha didn’t know that.)

Actual words owned by everybody who speaks English.

BUT! The pattern in which these words are arranged belongs to me. So, yeah. I own kinda part of this. (unless it sucks, in which case I blame it on my pet monkey, who actually types my stories)


Zim was in the lunch room if the midle skool, trying to disintegrate the food on his tray through pyrokinesis. It was not working well, making Zim rather aggravated. It made Dib very happy, though.

“Come on, Zim. If you’re human you would eat some.”

Several kids had turned around to watch the spectacle. Zim’s cover was in danger of being blown.

“No, Dib… I have already eaten SO MUCH of this-”

“NO YOU HAVEN’T!!” Dib yelled, triumphant. “I’ve been taping you all day long and you haven’t eaten anything!”

Zim, if it were possible, got greener. He stared at he plate of food which was leering back at him. He had only one opening to take. But it was risky. He decided to do it anyway.

Screaming bloody murder, Zim picked up his tray, swinging it around so that it hit Dib face-on. Then, still screaming, he ran out of the cafeteria, his hands raised above his head.

Dib groaned, wiping mashed potatoes off his face. Some of them stuck, turning light pink with the blood they were sucking from his face.

“At least I’ve still got my camera,” he said wistfully. But we do not care about him right now. Right now, we are following

Zim walked down the hall, being very normal as not to arouse suspicion. He glared at the Earth Monkeys around him, marveling at the fact that the entire population of Earth didn’t know he was an alien. The ratio of six billion to one was starting to make him feel a bit… tiny.

Hey… wait a minute.

Zim looked around him at the other seventh graders walking around. Kids that had been shorter than him, just last week were now… TALLER THAN HIM???

He double checked to make sure his eyes were not playing tricks on him. No, they Humans really were taller.

“Why the sudden abrupt stretching? Have they been growing all along, and I have simply not NOTICED??”

Zim had to know. He ran back into the cafeteria, where Dib was still standing, near his table, trying to get the blood sucking potatoes away from his eyes. Zim snuck up beside him. Yes, Dib really was taller. Almost three inches taller than Zim.

“What? HOW CAN THIS BE!” Zim shrieked, but no one was paying attention to him.

Zim quickly got a bit of the pink potato and stuffed it into a glass container-thing he carried around to get samples of Earth-stuff. Then he ran home, his mind working furiously the whole time.

As soon as Zim got home, he jumped in the toilet and sunk down to his labs.

“COMPUTER!!!” he said in a whiny voice. “The humans are STRETCHING REALLY REALLY FAST!! TELLZIMWHY!”

“Okay, okay, don’t flip out.”


“Right… erm… the humans are stretching as a result of something called ‘puberty.’”

“More information. MOREISAY!”

“This occurs at about the time Earthlings reach the age of thirteen. They get really tall and gangly and they get pimples all over their faces and they get really clumsy as a result of their spatial awareness being all screwed up cuz they grow like an inch every day.”

“An inch every single day?”


“More information on this puberty.”

“Ummm. You don’t want to know, trust me.”

“Well… Can you predict the rate of growth for a certain individual?”

“I guess so, but I need some DNA.”


A small CD-drawer-type thing opened, and Zim dumped the bloody potatoes onto it. (that’s why he took them, he anticipated this. See, he isn’t ALWAYS retarded.)

On a screen, a small diagram of Dib appeared next to a diagram of Zim. They were almost the same height.

“Advance one week.”

The picture of Dib was now obviously taller. This scared Zim a bit.

“How tall will the monkey eventually get?”

“Processing… PROCESSING!”

The image on the screen disappeared, replaced by a small ‘please wait’ sign. After a second, however, the screen displayed a different image. Zim still stood there, as short as he had ever been, but Dib was much taller. Almost five times Zim’s height.

Zim stared in utter and complete horror. This would be his down fall. He couldn’t possibly fight somebody five times his own size and win, not even with his spider legs.

Granted, Zim was pretty strong, even by Irken standards, but it would make little difference. (I mean did you see ‘backseat drivers’? He THREW that kid like fifteen feet!)

“I must do SOMETHING to fix this situation!” Zim screamed, and immediately sat down to try to work out how. But he didn’t think of anything until about two weeks later, in the middle of Skool.

Chapter 2: Two weeks later

Ms. Bitters was spouting her usual DOOM. Most of the kids were either sleeping or wondering at all the horror in the universe and how much of it would affect them. They were all noticably taller except for Zim. Today’s lecture was about the Middle ages and how they had much better disciplinary procedures then.

“And then, if the delinquent STILL wouldn’t tell the truth, they would sssssssssstretch them on a rack. It was very horrible. Most of the time, bones would get broken and the person would be left paralyzed. In some records, the person was stretched to three feet taller.”

Zim, who hadn’t been paying attention, heard this last bit and got an idea. He raised his hand.

“Yesss, ZIM?”

“If I am not allowed to use the restroom RIGHT. NOW. I feel that I may explode,” Zim said in a level tone.

“That’s too bad, Zim. You already used this year’s bathroom breaks.”

Zim looked around, trying to think of any diversion he could use to escape. Nothing presented itself, so he was forced to activate one of the diversions he had set up. Three seconds later a huge explosion rocked the skool. In the ensuing pandemonium, Zim slipped out the window and was gone.

“Zim are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Of course! It is a good idea because it was my idea and all my ideas are good!”

Zim’s computer had his own ideas about that statement, but kept them to himself. It watched through mechanical eyes as Zim hooked himself up to a stretching device of his own creation.


Zim waited about two seconds, then started screaming bloody murder and thrashing around. The computer, who had been anticipating this because he thinks things through a little more than Zim, stopped stretching, and released the cuff-stretcher thingies. Zim fell forward onto his face.

“Oooowwww….” Zim said eloquently. (I love that word and I never got to use it.)

Zim did not go to school the next day. He spend most of that day cursing the humans and their STUPID FUTILE machines!

When Zim finally went back to school , he was met with a very bad sight indeed. Almost everyone was twice as tall as him, having had a collective growth spurt over the weekend. Torque Smacky, for instance, was now twice as scary as he had been before. Zim was getting a very good lesson on this, because Torque and a bunch of his friends were pushing Zim around. Between the three of them they were at least six times as big as Zim.

“LET ZIM GO THIS INSTANT!!” he shrieked as they lifted him up. They hung him on a doorknob by the back of his shirt, and watched as he kicked and screamed for a good ten minutes. As soon as the bell rang, they left and Zim used his spider legs to get down.

“Stupid stretching Earth monkeys…” he muttered, making his way to his first class. There, the teacher yelled at him for being late. Zim yelled right back of course.

This was basicly the outline for the rest of his day. Being short was a great burden on the Invader. And he had ther sinking feeling it was going to get worse.

He avoided Dib all day, not even drawing pictures of him during class. (Zim wasn’t a good artist. In fact, when he drew Dib, he usually gave up before adding the limbs. Or head.)

Whenever he started one of these drawings, Dib ended up being very very tall.


So that day when he got home, he started working on a serum which was very difficult to make for an Irken. It was a growth serum, to make him taller than he could ever have been otherwise. But he knew before he even started that it may not work. If growth serums were safe and easy every Irken and his mother would drink them, and the position of tallest would be utterly useless. But Zim started to make one anyway. He may not even need it.

But just in case.

Dedicated to Chickens. No, not the delicious pecking poultry, Chickens, the… never mind, you’re not paying attention. I own no characters.

I heard this song today, I don’t know who it was by, but the main chorus was ‘I hate everything about you, why do I love you?’ I thought that might make a lovely ZADR songfic.

It took Zim (In spite of his AMAZINGNESS) almost three weeks to complete the serum. After that, he put it in a corner of his lab, ignoring it almost all the time. Almost all the time.

Every so often, he would sneak a glance over at it, imagining himself as tall as the Dib-monkey. Taller, even. Taller than the tallest. Whenever that happened, his head would fill with thought of what would happen to his mission if he were to spontaneously combust as a result of the mixture. That got the daydreams a bit under control.

Until one Friday, he went to school to discover that Dib had indeed grown every inch that the computer predicted. Zim was now the shortest person in the Skool. And the ‘skin condition’ excuse was beginning to wear a bit thin. He heard whispers through the halls when he walked by.

Plus he got hung on a doorknob again.

But the biggest humiliation didn’t come until after School, when he was waking home… to find Dib directly in his path.

“Where ya going, ALIEN!!” Dib yelled.

“I’m going home. I do not wish to be bothered with your stupid human foolishness to day, Dib-monkey. BEGONEWITHYOU!!”

In reality, he didn’t want to fight today. He’d been bordering the losing end of the spectrum lately. It was worrying him. Surprisingly, Dib stood aside and let him pass.

“Say,” Dib said to his back. “Didn’t you say your planet was based on height? Are you the shortest person THERE, too?”

Zim couldn’t help it. He gritted his teeth, and jumped on Dib. He started punching with all he was worth. A year earlier, the pummeling might have seriously hurt the human, but now it felt to him more like it does when your little sis/bro gets mad at you and starts hitting you. In other words, he thought it was really funny, and laughed as he pulled Zim off him. Zim hung, the top of his head being covered by Dib’s hand. (For reference, Dib now looks more like the Professor, but more… Dib-ish.)


“Um… no.”

Dib turned the kicking Zim around, poking at his PAK.

“What is this thing, anyway? You’re always wearing it.”

“DON’T TOUCH THAT!” Screamed Zim. He kicked as hard as he could, trying to make contact with anything. Dib’s hand covered the place where his spider legs should have come from.

“Does it come off? Or is it some kind of alien parasite or something?”

Dib was part right. It was a parasite but a benefiting one. That’s not the point.

Zim thought of his wrist communicator. He called GIR on it, and after a few more seconds, the dog showed up, head-butted Dib, (not knowing it would do any damage, he just thought it was a good idea at the time) and carried Zim back to the labs.

Zim no longer cared about any consequences. Death was preferred to the daily humiliation he would endure at the hands of the humans.

He went straight to the place he was keeping the dark purple vial of serum. He put it into a syringe, and, with a momentary grimace of pain, injected it into his arm. He barely had time to pull the needle out before he collapsed to the metal floor.

OOOHH! Cliffhanger!

What’s gonna happen to ZIM???

YOU DON’T KNOW! Which is just as well because I don’t either. He probably won’t die, because my sister’s been getting up on my back about killing other people’s characters… but she doesn’t have to find out.

PS anybody know anything about the Alliance, drop me a line, OK?

Okay, guys thanks for the reviews!! Dedicated to anybody who gave up all their Earthly knowledge on the Alliance. Now I’m sure you’re al anxious to see if Zim lives or dies. See, that’s the great thing about being a dark writer. If I wrote Disney movies there would be no suspense here, but since I write horrible dark things where people are dying left and right… SUSPENSE!!

Sorry I have not been updating. It is not my fault. One of my fics was deleted because someone lied and said I stole it, so I’ve been on probation.

Claws of pain reached up through Zim’s torso. He no longer really cared about honor, or really anything but getting the pain to stop. He would easily have taken a thousand of Dib’s beatings over this.

He sunk to the floor, claws pressed to his stomach in a futile effort to lessen the pain. He looked down at them.. They were growing. He held them in front of his face, watching them grow to almost twice their size. The fire had reached them. He felt the burning sensation go down his legs, they jerked at the knees, lengthening as well. But by then the fire had reached up to his head. A trickle of dark green blood ran from his nose, but Zim didn’t notice. He was going into convulsions.

GIR was drawn by the life-support alarms going off. He crept down into his master’s underground base, looking at the Invader’s prone form lying on the metal floor. As the little robot watched, a dark green tear ran from one of Zim’s eyes.

Maybe GIR didn’t know much, but he knew this was bad. And he knew he had to get help. But from where?

Dib was watching the stars when he saw the tiny craft fly by. It was too high up to be a bird, and it was bright. And it was too small and low to be a plane. Maybe it was another UFO!

Or maybe it was just Zim going off on one of his Earth-destroying missions.

Dib wondered what eth Irken was up to, but figured if it was anything important he’d get a gloating message from Zim explaining the whole thing.

He looked up at the sky again, tracing the path of the glowing object. It curved around, going in … loopty-loops? Abruptly, it stopped circling and made a beeline for him. As it picked up sped, Dib wondered if running away into the house would help. Probably not.

He had just reached this decision when the thing crashed into the roof.

“What the…”

Dib looked into the clearing dust, watching for signs of life or explosions or something.

“Zim? Izzat you?”

“HIYA BIGHEADBOY!’ GIR screamed, flying out of the dust to land on Dib’s head.

“My head’s not big!!! Geddoff!”


GIR fell off with a clattering noise. Dib looked around for some kind of camera or something: the robot wasn’t wearing his disguise.

“What are you even here for??”

“Ummmm….” GIR pondered a moment, then, “OH YEAH! I’s supposed to get you!”

“What for?” Dib knew this was another of Zim’s stupid plans. It was a trap, of course.


“Fine. Lemme get some… stuff.”

Dib ran inside to his cameras and tape recorders and other stuff. Then he went back outside to where GIR was waiting.

“So where are we going?”

“MY HOUSE! My house with…. MUFFINS!”

GIR’s jet-feet turned on, burning a hole in the roof, but he didn’t care. He flew off again, singing happily, leaving Dib to follow as best he could.

The defense systems were off for once. Dib expected them to hit him, or at least fire at him, but the gnomes stayed silent. He was still a bit nervous, and actually jumped when the computer spoke to him through one of the hidden speakers.

“I didn’t know who else to contact.”

“About what? Zim’s stupid trap. Ha ha, Zim, come out and shoot your stupid laser or whatever so I can beat you again, midget.”

He stood expectantly, waiting for the tiny alien to jump out screaming curses. Nothing happened.

“I moved him upstairs, the labs aren’t big enough anymore.”

“What the heck are you TALKING about?”

“I have to show you.”

Along one wall, a glowing line showed up. Lights moved along them, pointing the way the computer obviously wanted him to go. Curious, Dib followed it. And saw what had happened.

“Oh, God. What did he do to himself?”

“It’s a growth serum.”

Zim lay on the floor of the kitchen. He was almost as tall as Dib, but something had obviously gone wrong when his body had started to grow. The green skin had slashes through it where dark green muscles showed through. His face was pretty okay, because his head didn’t have to grow much. But a trickle of blood ran from his mouth and nose. It joined a puddle of the dark green liquid on the floor.

“And he did this to himself? What for? Didn’t he know…”

“Well, yes, these sorts of serums rarely work, but Zim figured his would, I guess.”

Dib crouched down near the body, turning Zim onto his back. His chest arched where the PAK wouldn’t let him lie flat. The invader groaned, but remained unconscious.

“So why am I here?” he turned, searching for a face to look at. “He isn’t going to die, is he?”

“Unless something is done about the bleeding, it’s a distinct possibility.”

Dib thought, looking from Zim’s pale face to the blood on the floor. He could help the Irken, but then the Earth would be in danger again. Or he could just let him die. No guilt there. He had just allowed it to happen.

Zim had done it to himself.

“You haven’t anyone else to turn to?” Dib asked.

“Nobody but you. If we go to anyone else they’ll know he’s an alien.”

“Can’t you do it yourself or take him back to the Home Planet or something?”

“All I’ve got are a bunch of stupid claws.” the computer waved them around for emphasis. They didn’t look exceptionally dextile. “And don’t even think about GIR.”

Dib hadn’t.

He stood up, turning back toward the door.

“You know, I’d really like to help,” he said, walking toward the door, “but I reeeally like my planet and Zim just wants to destroy it. So, uh, better luck next time. Sorry.”

With that, he was out the door, walking toward his own home. He started to whistle.

Oh, no. Dib is being so heartless. WILL HE STAY THIS WAY? I DUNNO!


“Where’d you go to so late?” Gaz asked when he walked in his front door.

“Zim’s house. He’s dying, apparently.”

“Is it your fault?”



She went back to playing her gameslave. Dib walked up to his room, feeling really good for the first time… well, the first time since Zim had arrived. The earth wasn’t in danger, no poor kid was getting experimented on, and soon enough the alien menace would be gone.


Dib shook his head.

There wasn’t any reason to get attached at all to an alien menace. The stupid little Irken had done it to himself, after all…

Because you were picking on him…

Because he was coming to destroy the Earth!


So Dib had to keep the Earth safe no matter what.

He booted up his laptop, totally content. Another victory for Earth.

Downstairs, Gaz listened carefully to her brother’s actions. Once she heard a modem connecting, she closed her gameslave, slid it into the accustomed groove in her pocket, and went into the basement.

Out of the Lab’s first aid kit, she grabbed a few things and pushed them into a backpack. Then, making sure her brother was still upstairs on the internet, she slipped silently out the door.

At Zim’s house, or his base as he liked to call it, all was dark. Gaz walked to the front door, easing it open almost silently. Not quietly enough. The computer heard her.

“What are YOU doing here?” it asked. There was a hint of worry in it’s robotic voice.

“My stupid brother said Zim was dying or something. I came to check it out.”

“Oh. Is he… will he be coming back, do you think?”

“No. He’ll be on the web for the rest of the weekend.”


“Why, what do you care?”

“Well without him we’re a bit hopeless over here.”

“You need my stupid brother?”

“Yes. He’s the only person on the planet with enough knowledge of Irken anatomy to help.”

“Psh. I laugh at you. Where’s Zim?”

“Um… in the kitchen.”

Gaz didn’t reply. She walked into the back of the house, not flinching at the sight of blood. It’s not like she hadn’t seen a pixilated view of the same thing about a million times.

As much as she could tell, Zim’s body had grown, but not his skin. This had caused a lot of freaky stuff to happen. Slits had opened pretty much everywhere other than his head. It was big enough before.

Gaz studied this situation calmly, if a bit indifferently. After a second or two, she grabbed her backpack, rifling through it until she came up with a scalpel she had stolen from here dad’s lab. She checked to make sure the blade was sharp. It was. She turned back to Zim.

The Irken was awake.

And, more surprisingly, he had a procured a laser from somewhere, the business end of which was facing directly at her head.

“Back off, Human,” Zim said in a cold voice. Gaz was not impressed.

“Put your stupid toy away, Zim, or you will die.”

“It’s not a TOY!” Zim shrieked. “A single shot could vaporise your stupid inferior body! You will die, not me. I will be fine.”

“Number one: I know a single shot could kill me and two, I wasn’t talking about death by whatever the heck you did to yourself here. I’m warning you one last time. Put your stupid gun down.”

Zim didn’t lower the laser. If anything, his finger tightened on the trigger. He stared at Gaz, sizing up a target. The world around him began to fade. He looked around in fear, watching monsters materialize where seconds ago there had been nothing but wall.

He dropped the gun

They disappeared.

“Good. Now, here’s the situation you have put yourself in: You are going to die unless you get some help. I don’t know why, I don’t care. I can provide this help.”

“But there’s a price, I presume.”

Gaz’s mind scrambled about, for once not knowing what to say.

“I’m just trying to keep my stupid brother out of the house.”

“Fine. But I don’t see what you could possibly do to help.”

“Well, for one thing, I can leave the house.”

“Oh really? Why don’t you demonstrate this remarkable ability.”

“Is that going to grow back or are you just gonna go around in torn skin for the rest of your life?”

“It’ll grow over, eventually. I’ll just sew it up or something. Stupid stitches…”

“You can’t. There’s not enough there. It’s like trying to sew a mouse’s skin around an elephant.”

Regretfully, Zim saw she was right. His vision was starting to get fuzzy, too. Probably blood loss. He hoped he didn’t pass out again with the human around.

“Yeah? So? I will think of something. I AM-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t bother. I already thought of something.”

“What could YOU possibly think of that I wouldn’t?”


Gaz rummaged around in the backpack for another second, eventually coming up with a green bottle of something yucky looking.

“What is that? Some inferior Earth nutrient or something? Yeah, but help.”

“Wrong again. This, Zim, is a slightly changed version of…” She paused for effect. It was fun watching Zim try not to pay attention. “YOUR SKIN!!”

“WHAT? Where did YOU GET THAT?? Is that one of the Dib’s samples? how could he”

“NO, it’s not. It’s a simple lice killing formula.”

Zim vaguely recollected the evil louse woman and her gun of pain.

“Why would you have that?”

“I used it to clone you.”


“No, I’m lying. It’s part of a regular extensive medical kit. Like the one in my dad’s lab.”

“I think that could be helpful. Maybe. But I would have thought of it eventually.”

“Which doesn’t mean you have the methods of aquiring any.”

Zim’s red eye twitched. He was liking this Gaz person less and less.

“So what were you gonna do with that scalpel? Making more cuts wouldn’t help at all.”

“I was going to try to get your shirt off and better asses the damage to be fixed.”

Again, Zim admitted that that made sense. Talking to this human was starting to put a bruise on his ego.

“Well you don’t need it now.”

Zim pulled the Irken shirt over his head, ignoring the shots of pain this sent from his arms. He could ignore anything if there was an inferior species around.

“Great. The mighty Irken can take off his own shirt. Bravo. Not lets see what we can do with this stuff.”

I love Gaz. She’s so sarcastic. Plus I drew an awesome pic which I will get up as soon as I procure a scanner. YAY FOR UPDATING BY ME!

Okay. I finally get back on just in time to be on probation cuz my grades suck again. (pulls out hair at the injustice of it all) Yeah. So I’m gonna try to pull an all nighter here. I think I can do it, with enough soda. (chugs soda, falls asleep on keyboard)

This is dedicated to Karvian and Chineseisgreek2me, cuz they seem to be the only 2 people interested. And… uh… this fic has gotten kinda far off topic but…yeah.

Zim sat in the corner, sulking. His arms and torso were wrapped in thick white bandages. His skin tingled as it tried to cover the holes which had been so recently torn. Gaz wasn’t in the base, she had gone out to... Wherever it is this lice stuff was gotten from. Zim made a mental note to destroy all the Earth’s supply of it when this was over. Having Irken DNA floating around would not in any way help the mission.

The reason he was sulking was that he had a dilemma. What as he going to do about this Gaz human. He could always kill her, but that would make the Dib-human really really mad at him. He had discovered through various ‘video games’ that humans were more powerful when they were pissed off. NOT THAT ANY POWER COULD DEFEAT ZIM!

He was still undecided when the front door slammed shut. He glared at the ceiling, he had ordered the computer to tell him when she was coming back.

He reached behind him for his gun, which he hadn’t let out of his sight since the human had entered the base.

He dropped it, however, when a green jar came flying at his head, top speed. He caught it out of the air, before it shattered on the floor. He glared at Gaz, who was standing in the doorway.

“I’m going back to my house, there’s a group tournament starting in ten minutes and I Will. Not. Miss. It. Comprende?”

Zim nodded. Gaz turned on her heel and walked back out of the base. He stared after her, trying to figure her out.

It didn’t take much research to discover that the female mind was completely incomprehensible to the males of this planet. Zim didn’t wonder at this one bit. If all Earth females were this strange, it was a wonder the species had survived this long without artificial propagation. He suspected there was some sort of blackmail involved.

But that was of no concern to him. The humans would be wiped out soon enough.

Slowly, trying not to do any additional damage, Zim pulled off his boots, wincing as they pulled further at the slashes up the sides of both his calves. He marveled at the damage he, ZIM had done, even to himself. He didn’t know of any injury an Irken could sustain that would damage their body so badly, (Irkens are pretty indestructible) and he ZIM had not only managed it, but lived through it.

The human had helped, he guessed, but that was minimal. He was completely assured that he would have lived anyway. He cold not be defeated. He was, after all, ZIM!

Mixing some of the louse meds with the mixture his computer had created, he created a kind of organic ‘false skin.’ this he applied to the four slashed up his legs, with a lot of care. When any one else was around, he would not have flinched in the slightest. But since no one was around, he let his body have free reign of itself.

When then that was done, he wrapped more of the bandages around the new skin. It was truly great to have his feet so far away. He guessed he was taller than Dib now. He was actually about two inches shorter, though he could not admit it under pain of death. He would wait a week or so to contact the Tallest. Or at least until he could get rid of these stupid human bandages. Why did they have to be so white? Irken medical supplies were all orange, a proper color. A color at all.

Nothing to do until then but wait.

Well, wait and yell at GIR.

Gaz opened the front door to her house, and heard the unmistakable tune of the Mysterious Mysteries theme song. She stalked into the TV room, facing her brother, who was glued to the TV like some sort of tiny rodent glued to the back end of a large bus. 0.o WTF?

“I’m going to use the computer for the next three hours, ten minutes, and thirteen seconds. If you disturb me, they will never find what is left of your corpse.” She said this with a deadly calm, as if she were informing him that it might rain later.

“Where have you been all night? It’s been like three hours!”


“Out where?”

“Out doing secretive things. Like your stupid eye meetings.”

“Tell me where you’ve been or I’ll tell dad and he’ll put up the force field around the house again.”

“I’ve been at Zim’s.”

Dib was instantly up, his show forgotten.

“At Zim’s doing what? Did he try to brain-wipe you?”

“No. Don’t be stupid. He waved one of his dumb lasers at me, though. It was kinda funny.”

“Those are real, Gaz. They can KILL you!”

“Yeah? And?”

“Did he die?”


“Hmm… Maybe I should go…”

“Leave him alone, doofus. Go watch your stupid paranormal show. Go play with Zim in the morning.”

“Fine. But first thing in the morning…”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Gaz walked up the stairs to the computer room, a long night of gaming awaiting her.

Note to anybody who writes: I see this a lot. GIR’s anme is uppercase because it’s an acronym. Zim’s name IS NOT AN ACRONYM. Therefore, it is lowercase. Comprende?

(comprende?= you understand? In Spanish.)

Implanted message which can only be read if you read backwards: .eeh ,sweiver sdrawkcab evaeL (:esaelP !lla uoy WON weiveR

Thank you to everybody who left a review. YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY!

But we already knew that. You can leave regular reviews for this chappy… geez, I said backwards, I didn’t think you’d really DO it… #v#

Sorry to Chineseisgreek2me, I don’t hink this is gonna turn out how you wanted it. Nothing personal. I can’t get my OWN stories to turn out how I want them.

At least I didn’t screw up REALLY badly like I did with P.I.R.. My sister wanted a happy joyful story about GIR’s ‘cousin’ and she got… well… I won’t spoil it for those who havn’t read. But it was bad.


Gaz awoke the next morning to find the sun shining cheerily into her room. This did not help the mood of despair which was extra strong this morning. She tried to remember what had happened the night before. There was that Vampire Piggy XIIVIII, which she had dominated, of course, and then there was…

Oh yeah. Zim.

Pulling on an old purple dress and her boots, Gaz ran a hand through her hair. Satisfied that she no longer has the appearance of the living dead, she pushed open the door to her brother’s room. The bed was crumpled, but made. Dib was gone already.

Gaz groaned. He was over at Zim’s house, probably playing their stupid games. She decided to go make sure Dib didn’t kill Zim. Without the little invader, life would be quite a bit less interesting. Particularly lunchtime.

She took the stairs two at a time, and almost ran to Zim’s house. The place looked quiet, but there were miles of passages underground where all sorts of freaky shit could be happening.

The gnomes ignored her, even seeming to shy away, as she stalked down the front path. The door swung open for her, courtesy, she supposed, of Zim’s computer.

Where she had expected her brother about to kill Zim, she saw a completely different sight.

Dib was hanging from the ceiling, encased in about a thousand wires and such. There were some blades flying around, and Dib was trying to thrash in his binds without actually getting sliced in half. Zim, looking like a mummy in the white bandages, was laughing his ass off, obviously expecting his enemy’s demise any second.

“ZIM! You put my brother down THIS SECOND!”

Zim’s head whipped around. He did not look happy. Dib looked releived.

“I will not. I’m going to slice this Earth-monkey in half and that is simply all there is to it. Stand back, you might get dib-meats on you.”

Zim went back to manipulating the flying, rotating saw blades. Gaz grabbed the wrist of his left arm, twisting hard.

“Making my brother miserable is MY job, and I will not be replaced. Also, if he gets killed, there will be a stupid funeral or something to go to where I wil have to act sad and I don’t feel like it. So LET. MY. BROTHER. DOWN. NOW.”

A spot of dark green started to show through the bandages. It spread slowly. Gaz didn’t let up. If she twisted a bit more, Zim’s arm would break. He realized this and nodded violently.


Gaz let go of Zim’s wrist. He pulled it to himself protectively. Dib dropped the six feet to the floor, the bonds released. Except for one on his right ankle, which accidentally did not release and caused Dib to flip over and smack his head on the ground before getting actually dropped.

“That must be a bug in the system.” Zim said, trying not to laugh and being sarcastic at the same time. Dib was not amused.

“I’m going to destroy you, Zim. You will be dead. OH SO DEAD!”

Gaz glared at Zim.

“He’s talking like you. Why’s he talking like you?”

“Um… Maybe he has finally recognized my superiority and aspires to be like ZIM?”

Gaz looked from Zim, who was standing with one arm raised triumphantly in the air, to her brother, who was twitching sporadically.

“You know what? I don’t even care. If he gets as annoying as you, I will come down here and personally remove two essential organs from your body. I will do this without anesthetic. You have been warned.”

She stalked out of the house, leaving the taller Zim and her brother to fight between themselves.

This is gonna be the end here except for one other chapter about Zim contacting the tallest so we can see their reaction. If the end here has deprived you iof reading material, go check out Demon of Consequence, by Sambev89. It’s the greatest ever, really.

Wow, this is at 13 pages, making it the shortest long story ever. (long story- anything that is not a oneshot.) I have no regular length stories…

THIS IS ABOUT TWO WEEKS ALTER SO ZIM’S ALL TALL AND STUFF, but he’s not all torn up and bad…yeah.



The two tallest shared a look of annoyance. No doubt this was going to be another long, rambling yell-fest from Zim and his crazy robot.

“It’s been two weeks, I figured he was probably dead.” Red said.

“Not that lucky.”

The veiwscreen lit up for one second, showing Zim in his lab. The Tallest’s eyes barely had time to register what they saw before the room on the other end went black.

“GIR! Turn the lights on NOW!!!”



The Tallest turned to each other, saucer-eyed.

“Did you just see….?” Purple asked. Red nodded hollowly, turning back to the screen.

“LIGHT SHOW!” screamed Gir.

“NO GIR! Those are lasers!”

This was followed by some thumping noises. The lights came back on, to reveal a Zim who was about half a foot shorter than the tallest slamming the robot against the floor repeatedly.

“That’s better.”

He dropped the robot, and it rolled away, oblivious to the world.

“Zim? Is that… are you… tall?”

“YES! And it was because of an ingenious formula made by ME!”

“You… made a height formula?”


“And you gave it to yourself?”

“Correct, sirs.”

“And… you…didn’t…DIE?”

These words were said slowly, full of disbelief and regret.

“Nope. Why would I? It was an ingenious formula made by ME! ZIM!”

Despair flooded over the inhabitants of the Massive’s control room.

“Well, um, anything else to report?”

“No, sirs. It has been a rather uneventful week full of CONQUERING!” In reality, Zim had been making the elevators bigger so he could actually fit in them without asphyxiating.

“In that case, we have a mission for you.”

“A seeeecret mission.”

“OH! What is it, Tallest? I will-”

“Yes, yes, that’s very nice. We have heard tell of a creature on Earth, known as the….”

The tallest exchanged sly glances.


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