Characters: Jhonen V. Although I have searched through his garbage for three years I have yet to find the rights to Zim. MUST KEEP LOOKING!
Story: Direct plagiarism from the fifty million other people who have done this. Particuarly, Invadingangel whose story KICKS MUNKY BUTT! (In a good way)
Anyway yur all bored so I write ficcage now.

Dib had finally found the one flaw in Zim’s defenses. It was, obviously, that Zim wasn’t very bright. And after many days of searching the internet and every occult book that he owned that Dib found exactly the way to exploit this. And so it begun, on a nice day that was sunny but deceptive.

Clouds were off on the horizon, making Zim a bit nervous, but he had thoroughly soaked himself in paste, so the worry was not overwhelming. No, the overwhelming worry was that Dib was standing at the edge of the security’s perimeter, screaming at passersby that Zim was an alien.
This had to be stopped.
Thirty seconds later, Zim ran out his front door, his contacts in and his wig on a bit crookedly. He then set about tackling Dib and beating his head against the ground. Zim had finished the first and was beginning the second when Dib smacked his face. It was not good to bitch-slap a member of the Irken Elite.
“YOU’RE GOING TO DIE DIB MUNKY!” Zim screeched.
“No I’m not because I set a spell on myself. I’m invincible.”
“Eh? What sorcery is this to defeat ZIIIIIIIIMM?”
“It’s a really nbeat spell which makes me invincible. The only way to make me… uh… vincible is to get me to say the counter spell.”
“What is this… counter-spell?”
Dib glared, although this was going all according to plan.
“I have it written here, but I would have to say the magic words, and then you would have to read this paper. Then I would be completely at your mercy. BUT IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN SO BYE!”
Dib jumped up off the ground, and sauntered off, ‘accidentally’ droppiung the sheet of paper in the process. Zim, in an act of extreme intelligence scooped up the paper.
“Dib-munky! What would those words you have to say, what are they?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Um… I am… curious?”
“Oh, well then. Hoochie-koochie spooptie pooptie.”
Zim glanced at the paper and then read off the words it said there. I won’t tell you what they are or I’ll have ten million people casting spells with their friends. I don’t want anything that bad on my conscious till I’m older.

A few drops of rain dropped down, closely following the two boys. They had fallen to the ground, unconscious. Lightning flashed, hitting the two of them, but that was just coincidence. The rain fell harder, diamonds of light flashing against the suddenly black sky. It was really cool looking which is good, because nothing much was happening with Dib and Zim right about then.
Magic is not as neat as it looks on TV.

The first thing Zim thought apon waking was that he had left the oven on. That was quickly dismissed and he got back to thinking about Dib. Then he remembered that according to the spell he had cast, Dib would be at the mercy of the ALMIGHTY ZIM!
“YES!” he yelled, jumping up. He looked around for Dib but didn’t see him. A scorch mark outlined where he had been lying, so he guessed that he had been hit by lightning. He reached up to make sure his wig hadn’t fused to his antennae. It hadn’t, but… the fake hair felt like it was the wrong shape. It was a ling spike, kind of like AH! THE DIB’S!
“AHH!” Zim screamed, thinking he looked like he had Dib’s hair. He still didn’t see the Earth boy anywhere. Zim decided to go inside and change his hair, and worry about the stupid munky later.
He was outside the fence that surrounded his house. He walked past the fence, and saw himself, lying on the ground. There were black marks all over him, although there didn’t seem to be much damage. He screamed for a while, then gasped to clear his mind. He clenched his eyes tight, blocking out the sight. He pressed his fists into his eyes, giving them extra coverage. After he had convinced himself that it was not he, ZIM! who was lying there, he cracked open one eye. His body was still there, lying prone on the ground.
The thought occurred to Zim that he was dead and watching all this from the air. This theory was discarded when he moved. Or, rather, his body did.

Dib’s first thought apon waking up was that he had had a really freaked up dream. Peanut butter…
His second thought was to wonder if his ingenious plan had worked. After lifting a green hand up for inspection, he decided that it had. He grinned a little, feeling the unfamiliar muscles of Zim’s face twist into the expression. A fleeting thought wondered if the face had ever smiled from real happiness before.
He sat up, looking around. He saw the gnomes, he saw the fence, and he saw himself. His body was looking down at him. It had Zim’s familiar glare on it.
“Who are you?” His body asked.
“I’m Dib. Who do you think I am?”
“Dib? WHY ARE YOU IN MY BODY?”
“Well, you’re in MINE, I don’t know why you’re so upset.”
“I… I’m… AAAAUGGHH!”
Zim stared at his hands, his pink hands, and screamed some more. Dib noticed that Zim somehow managed to keep the same tone even though he wasn’t in his body anymore.
When Zim was done screaming, his brain started to work a bit more. Or, Dib’s brain I guess.
“So, wait, that spell was to make us switch bodies?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“TREACHERY! But ZIM does not blame you. If I were to be an Earth munky I would want an Irken’s SUPERIOR body as well.”
“Hey, I just want your body so I can do HORRIBLE tests on it!”
“While you’re in it?”
“Yes… wait…. Uh… DAMN!”
“So my body is of no value to you. You should probably GIVE IT BACK NOW!”
“No! I can still go to the Eyeball with this!”
Dib started to run off. But something made him stop. Maybe it was the fact that Zim was not screaming at him. Turning around slightly, he saw that Zim was looking after him with a slight smile.
“What? I’m about to expose you! QUIT SMILING!”
“If I see one shot of my body or one word of story on it I’m going to kill this body beyond any chance of bringing it back.”
“While you’re in it?” Dib said, mimicking Zim’s own words.
“Yes. An invader is expected to self destruct before risking exposure, and if I’m in your body it doesn’t make any difference to me.”
“Yeah, but won’t it hurt?”
Dib was grasping at straws, trying to distract Zim from the idea of just killing Dib’s body for the sheer hell of it.
“I don’t feel it. No Irkens do.”
To demonstrate, Zim dug one of Dib’s nails into his knuckle, drawing a small crescent of blood.
“Okay okay! I won’t take your stupid body to any hospitals. Geez, I don’t want any scars from this.”
“I’ll do worse. I want my body back. Now, Dib.”
“I don’t know how.”
Zim stared at Dib as though Dib had just told him he owned the continent of South America.
“Stupid Dib STINK BEAST!”
“I couldn’t have cast the spell without you so just shut up, Zim.”
“Fine. I’m going down into my labs. I’m going to find a way to fix this before you do. And then I’ll switch myself back into my body and kill yours, so your mind has nowhere to go, like in those old ghost stories.” Zim laughed manically.
“You do that. I’m going back to my house to try to look up a way to fix this.”
Dib turned on his heel and walked toward his house. A few seconds later, he stopped and spun back around, because a horrible noise had come from Zim’s house. He saw his body halfway down the pavement, twitching. Several more black marks had been added. As he watched, Zim raised Dib’s fist, and shook it at the house.
“FOOLISH COMPUTER! I am ZIM! Let Zim in RIGHT frickin’ NOW!”
Another blast of electricity branched into Dib’s body, and Zim scurried out of his house’s perimeter. He approached Dib casually.
“Maybe I’ll come with you. To… um… make sure you don’t do something stupid with my body.”
“Zim, your house just threw you out. I’m not blind.”
“YOU LIE!”
Dib sighed. It was different, somehow, seeing his own body act so ridiculous.

This short segment brought to you in full techni-B&W, because it is in Gaz’s POV. She never sees nice colors.

Dib came home earlier than I thought. He brought Zim with him, too. Normally when he goes to Zim’s stupid green house he stays all night. I guess they got done with their stupid fighting earlier this time.
They had scorch marks all over them. I guess it must have been an interesting fight. For one second I wished I had seen it, but the new level beckoned, and I dismissed the thought.
“Gaz, don’t let Zim out of the house without me, Okay?” Zim said.
Great, they’re being crazier than normal today. I grunted noncommittally.
“Zim will do what he WANTS!” Dib yelled at him. I focused on the vampire piggy, who was shooting death- bullets at me. Zim yelled something at me, and my concentration flickered for one second. A bullet hit me, and blood poured down the screen.
I slowly turned my head, fixing them into my death-stare.
“You made me lose.” I said in a voice known to make babies die of terror.
“Good, you can pay attention then,” Zim said, not paying attention to me. Dib was looking at me with a look if pure terror.
“Me and Zim switched bodies, so he has to stay here. Don’t listen to anything he tell you, he’s full of alien trickery.”
“YOU LIE!”
“Whatever. Doom is going to happen to anyone I can see three seconds from now,” I said. Two seconds later I was alone again, with my game. I faced the piggy again.

Yes, wasn’t that nice? She’s so unhappy.

“Wow. Compared to my base this is really really primitive,” Zim said, surveying Dib’s shelves of paranormal books.
“Don’t touch anything or I’ll… melt your face off or something.”
“Don’t you mean YOUR face?”
“God, I hate you.”
“This is your fault, not mine. Stupid spell-human.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Dib said mockingly. Zim gritted his teeth, glaring at Dib. He didn’t glare for long, though. Who could stay mad at that face?
“Here, look through this for anything about body switching or souls in general,” Dib said, throwing a book at Zim’s face. Zim caught it, and it dropped open in his hands.
“Oh, look,” Zim said, reading the words hand-written into the ancient book. “‘The Curse of Titan’ Bring evil monsters to destroy your enemy. Maybe I’ll save this…”
“I’ve tried that like a million times. I think it’s a dud,” Dib said, thinking about the million or so times he had summoned the Titan to go after Zim.
(Six thousand miles away in china, Godzilla and King Kong engage in a fight to the death. Two thousand miles away in New York, a nine hundred foot alligator roams the sewers. Nine thousand miles away in Scotland, a giant snake cools it’s heels in Loch Ness. One and a half miles away, under the Skool, a gargantuan louse queen lays it’s eggs in an unsuspecting child’s brain. Do we see a pattern, students?)

Fifteen books later, Zim was beginning to wonder exactly how many of the freakish spells Dib had actually cast.
“Blood of a mouse who has never seen insulation? Geez this is stupid, Dib-monkey.”
“Hey, I think they work!”
“Well duh they work. But how do they expect you to find this crap?”
“In stores for the occult and stuff.”
Zim went back to staring at the cursive handwriting of the book he was reading. It was saying something about changing eye color. He was getting excessively bored. Every time he saw his hands he had to stare for a second to remind himself that they weren’t green. The pinkish color was starting to make him sick. He had to do something about this.
He stood up, dropping the book on the floor. After making some excuse to Dib, he walked out of the house. He had to get used to the trench coat swishing arounbd his legs. He kept trying to kick it, thinking it was GIR trying to play Death Grip On Master’s Leg again. After a few minutes he came to the more populated part of town. A few stores were around, including a beauty supply store. It was into this that Zim walked. He was after the hair dye.

Dib was on another book when he heard the door creaking open. He looked up to verify that it was Zim. It was. He turned back to the book, then froze. He slowly looked back up at his body.
The spikes of hair was bright green. Closer inspection revealed that Zim was also wearing green eyeshadow, nail polish, and, for some reason, green blush.
“Dear God no, Zim. You are NOT wearing that anywhere. Go take it off, RIGHT NOW!”
“No way!” Zim said, resuming his searches through another book. “Your inferior body is making me sick. If you want to cast RIDICULOUS spells, you have to deal with the consequences.”
“But, Zim… you don’t understand. Boys don’t wear make up. And only punks dye their hair green. I’m not a punk, or a girl.”
“And I’m not a human. You’re making me be.”
“You’re making me look like a drag queen.”
Zim peered at Dib curiously.
“Is that bad?”
“Well, yeah pretty much. If you go to school like that Torque Smacky and his gang will beat the shit out of me every day for-”
He clapped his hands over his mouth, but it was too late. Zim was smiling that smile.
“Is that so,” he asked slowly, smiling that evil smile of his. “Is that so...”
“You do that to my body, I’m going to do something horrible to yours.”
“Like what? There’s nothing you can do to me.”
Dib opened his mouth, then found himself at a lack for words. Zim just laughed.
It was twenty minutes later that Gaz screamed upstairs that dinner was ready. Zim and Dib both grinned, then froze, turning their heads slowly to look at each other.
“Every tried splodey beans?” Dib asked slowly. Zim nodded gravely.
“I was laid up in bed for a week.”
Dib looked down at Zim’s stomach.
“Guess I shouldn’t eat any then, huh?
Zim gulped.
“Guess I have to then.”
“Out of curiosity, what CAN you eat?”
“Anything I brought from Irk.”
“Anything else?”
“No, not really. Waffles.”
“DIB IF YOU’RE NOT DOWN HERE IN TWO SECONDS…”
“COMING!” Dib yelled back, forgetting for a second who’s body he was in.
Zim looked at him for a second, then said, “You have to go back to my base. The food is in the cupboard next to the fridge. If GIR sees you, yell at him to shut up, and he’ll never suspect a thing. And if you take anything out of the base, the door makes an automatic note of it, so don’t try.”This was a bluff, one Zim was desperately hoping would work.
With low spirits, the two boys walked downstairs. Zim walked into the kitchen, eyeing his bowl of splodey beans with an expression slightly less than complete revulsion.
He slid into Dib’s seat. Gaz barely looked at him as she shoveled down her beans. Picking up a spoon, Zim got a tiny bit of the beans, and, shuddering, put it into his mouth.
It was pretty ok. Nothing compared to the great Irken cuisine, but still not as bad as they had been when he had tried them in his own body. He ate another spoonful. They tasted slightly better his time, because he was not expecting the mouth-searing taste he got when he usually ate Earth food.
“What’s up with you? You’re eating like you’ve never had food before, Dib,” Gaz said, finally paying attention to her surroundings.
“Normally it tastes worse than this.” “I added some salt this time to dull the taste. Plus dad said it would destroy all life on Earth if I put salt in the oven, but it didn’t. Destroy life, that is.”
“If only it were that simple.”
“Oh, wait, you idiots switched bodies, didn’t you. I forgot.”
“Yeah, we pretty much did.”
“Dib’s stupid paranormal crap?”
“Gee, how did you guess?” Zim said, his tone reaching the very pinnacle of sarcasm.
“Whatever. I’m just going to play my gameslave. When you guys switch back call me. I want to see if you die.”
“How kind of you. Stupid Earth Female.”
Four seconds later, Zim flew backward, the result of a bowl of splodey beans slamming into his (green)head at a speed exceeding seventy miles an hour.
We’ll leave him here, twitching on the floor, and go see what Dib is doing right now.

AAAAUUUUUGH! DON’T HURT ME!” Dib screamed pathetically, staring down at the little robot who had a death grip on his leg.
“ARE YOU GONNA MAKE BISCUITS?” GIR screamed, still clutching Dib’s boot. He was starting to bruise the green skin, but he didn’t really care.
“Yes! Yes fine! I will do anything you want just LEGGO MY LEG!”
“Okydokie!”
GIR dropped off and landed on his face on the ground. Dib inched slowly away toward the cupboard where the food was.
GIR didn’t move.
Dib silently slid the door open and reached inside, getting a big handful of the round items that filled it.
GIR didn’t move.
Dib shoved the things into Zim’s PAK and started inching toward the door again.
GIR didn’t move.
Dib wondered if maybe he should check out the labs while Zim’s house would let him. He changed course, and headed for the toilet.
GIR still didn’t move.
Dib flushed himself down the toilet, spiraling slowly into a darkened lab.
Above him… GIR didn’t move.
“Wow, it’s weird down here,” Dib said, looking around the gloomy room. Consoles and buttons covered everything. The ceiling was covered by numerous layers of wires and tubes, humming slightly as they carried out their respective tasks.
“I wonder if there’s anything on switching bodies down here. Zim said that there might be something,” he said, talking to himself.
“Um, are you okay, sir?” A voice asked. The voice sounded strangely familiar, but Dib couldn’t really ever remember hearing it.
“Yeah, uh, who are you?”
“I’m your computer,” the computer said slowly, as though he were speaking to a small retarded child.
“Oh… yeah, I forgot.”
“Well, if you need a refresher course on what your name is, I’ll be standing by, Sir.”
“Ha ha ha you’re so freaking funny.”
Dib thought for a second, and decided to risk addressing the sarcastic machine again.
“Do you have any information on switching bodies?”
“Let me check.” There was a slight pause, and then the computer spoke again. “Switching bodies means one person’s psyche is transferred into another person.”
“Anything else?”
“This usually results in major neurological damage, loss of memories, and, when the people are switched back, they get really heavy hemorrhaging in the brain as a result of the passages in their brain re-opening to let the accustomed ‘mind’ back in.”
“Okay… any methods for reversing the process of switching bodies?”
“Well that’s obvious.”
“Tell me then.”
“Just perform the spell again. Duh.”
Dib stared blankly at nothing for a second trying to cope with his own stupidity.
“Will you be requiring any more information, sir?”
“No, that’s good. Stupid machines. Always so much smarter than us…”
“You built us that way, sir. It wasn’t very hard.”
“Hard to what?”
“Make us smarter than you.”
“Why? I think it’s impossible to make a mind smarter than you.”
“Well, that just proves my point, sir.”
“What does?”
“You’re pretty stupid, so it should be easy to make a mind smarter than you.”
“Oh, I get it now…HEY!”
“Exactly, sir.”
Dib frowned at nothing, then, clenching his zipper-like teeth, stalked back to the elevator. It took him back up to the house. He walked quietly out the door and back towards his house.
GIR didn’t move.

When Dib got back to his house, he found Zim huddled in the corner of the kitchen, watching in horror as Gaz threw things in rapid succession into the proton oven. Among the things already in there were fifteen cans of splodey beans, several eating utensils and a small car battery.
“I’ve finally had it with the idiots in the word and I’m going to kill you all,” Gaz said in a perfectly sane and rational voice. The tone compelled you to agree with her.
“Um, before you kill us all,” Dib said, casting a nervous glance at the glowing oven, “Can Zim and I switch back into out regular bodies? I don’t want to die an alien.”
“You found the anti-spell? BEFORE ZIM?” Zim yelled.
“Well, it’s not really an anti-spell. It’s more of… doing the same spell again.”
Zim stared at the floor, reveling in his stupidity. (This is very fun to do, I advise people to do it often)
“Sweet shit of God you’re all so stupid,” Gaz said, glaring at them. “But if you’re going to switch back I might as well watch. If you blow up I want to watch.”
“Um… that’s very nice of you, Gaz,” Dib said a bit uncertainly.
“Not really,” Zim said, but Dib shushed him.
“We might as well go in the living room, there’s carpet in there,” Dib said, walking into the membrane-themed room. Zim and Dib followed.
“I’m starting,” Zim said authoritively, “You started last time.”
With that, he said the magic words. Dib said the second bit, a little louder than was neccisary. Gaz looked on, obviously not amused.
Suddenly, the three of them fell to the ground, unconscious. Outside, the rain started to fall out of a clear, twilight sky.

Zim came around slowly, trying to ignore the feeling that something wasn’t quite as it should be.
Gaz was already awake, and was sitting there on the couch watching him come around. She was not happy. (Not that she ever was, but now she was EXTRA not happy)
Dib was still totally unconscious, dreaming of the Greatest Person Ever to Live Award. It was just being handed to him when a big bucket of water was thrown on him. He opened an eye a bit to see Gaz and Zim staring down at him. He sat straight up, starting to scream. He stopped screaming when he was screaming in his own voice.
“It worked! We’re back in our own bodies!” He yelled, punching the air.
“Easy for YOU to say, Earth Monkey,” Gaz said in a tone slightly less hateful than normal. Dib looked from Zim’s face to Gaz’s. They both wore their accustomed Hateful Glare, the kind that were usually worn when thinking if forcibly removing someone’s organs. The difference was that Zim’s face was a bit more hateful, and Gaz’s a bit less.
“Shit, you guys are in each other’s bodies, aren’t you?” He asked.
“You THINK?” Gaz screamed in Zim’s voice.
“Why don’t you just cast the spell again?” Dib asked, looking at them as if they were stupid.
“We tried that,” Gaz growled.
“Earth-stink, you have five seconds to figure out how to fix this.”
“What? It’s not any worse than being me, is it? Hold your alien horses.”
“Dib. I. AM. A. FEMALE.” Zim said slowly. “This is not dignified.”
“Hey? What’s wrong wioth being a girl?” Gaz said in a dangerous tone.
“Um, let’s think. FEMALES ARE AN INFERIOR SEX! What do you think is wrong with being a girl?”
“You are so lucky that’s my body, or you’d be missing a few limbs right now, space retard.”
Zim shut up, but moodily. Dib rocked his head in his arms. He knew Gaz would probably kill him if he couldn’t fix this. (But has he learned his Magic Lesson? Oh, no)
“Maybe I can get someone in the eyeball to help me,” he said, walking toward his room. When he was there, he called up Agent Darkbooty.
“What is it this time, Mothman?” Darkbooty asked, not concealing his scorn.
“Well, see, I accidentally switched my sister’s body with the alien, and they can’t switch back.”
“Just do the same spell again. Duh.”
“That won’t work.”
“Hmmm… have they switched bodies before?”
“Yes…”
“With who?”
“Well, I switched with the alien, and then he switched with Gaz and I get my body back.”
“Oh. Well, if he really is an alien, you might have problems.”
“Problems? Like what?”
“Very complicated things I’m under oath not to talk about.”
“Oh, that kind of complications.”
“You might want to try a trance. You could hypnotise themselves into thinking they’re each other. But a severe shock might make them remember who they are. The memories and things are still in the brain, just shut off, so they’ll know anything the other does.”
“Um, okay…”
“You do know how to do hypnotism, right? It’s on the standard Eyeball entry form.”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Good, just checking. Darkbooty out.”
Dib took a deep breath, staring at the black screen. Then he turned around and went back into the living room.
“Okay, I can do this, but I’ll have to put you two into a trance.”
Zim looked at him suspiciously, and Gaz cranked her glare up a notch, but they nodded.
“Um, you can just lie on the couch or something.”
They lay down on the couch, which was long enough for both of them. Their feet didn’t even touch.
“Okay, you’re getting sleepy. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are slipping into a trance…”
Zim and Gaz dropped into a deep sleep.
“Okay, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken and believe yourself to be the person whose body you are in. You will not remember switching bodies. And… ummm…” He lowered his voice. “You will also be nicer to me.”
He snapped his fingers. The two of them sat straight up.
“Uugh, I don’t remember falling aslee- ZIM! What are you doing here?” Gaz asked. (MEMO TO IDIOTS: Gaz is really Zim in Gaz’s body, but he doesn’t know that. Vice versa, too)
“DIB! What am I doing in your house? This is some plot to reveal me, isn’t it? IT WILL NEVER WORK!”
Well, they don’t remember, Dib thought. That’s probably good. Now I just have to figure out how to hypnotize them for real, before there’s some shock that reminds them of who they are.
As if on cue, Gaz got up and started to walk toward the bathroom. Dib’s face went pale. Zim was running in circles around ht ecouch trying to remember where the door was so he could go back to his base. Thirty seconds went by, the door to the bathroom closed,and Dib started to edge out of the room. But it was too late. From inside, a ear-shattering shriek burst out. Ten more seconds went bye, then Gaz burst right through the door.
“DIB! WHY AM I YOUR SISTER?” Then Zim shut up as he started to remember what had happened, because the hypnotism was wearing off. (Well THAT was a good idea) Memories flashed through his brown eyes. Then he jumped over the couch onto his body, which was just about to make a run for it.
“GIVE ME BACK MY BODY DIBSISTER!”
“Your body? That is not possible for this is my body the body of ZIIIIIIM!”
“I AM ZIM!” They screamed in unison.
Dear God there’s two of them, Dib thought , and desperately wished he’d never done this.
“Hhmm. There’s only one way to tell which one of us is the REAL Zim,” Gaz’s body said.
“Yeah. Here it is: WHOEVER LOOKS LIKE ME! I win!”
“You guys!” Dib said, trying to stop them before they killed each other.
“Wait… as long as we’re both Zim we might as well join forces and kill Dib.” Zim’s body said. (You can tell it’s Gaz cuz Zim’s no way that smart)
“Hey yeah!”
And so they chased Dib all the way across town, where thye eventually threw his in the cesspool and live happily ever after in Zim’s house, where they eventually conquered the world. I bet you didn’t see THAT one coming, did you? Nope. (anybody wanna different ending send me ideas, I’m out THE END and BUH-BYE!)