Dib sat at a table in the Skool cafeteria. Next to him, Gaz plays her gameslave obsessively. A few tables away, Zim is
sitting poking at the brown coils of food on the lunch tray. “DISGUSTING EARTH FOOD!” He shrieked. Then, seeing
everyone looking at him strangely, “I’M NORMAL! I loooove the FILTHY DISGUSTING treats.” “Did you
see that, Gaz?” Dib asked. “Didja? DIDJA!?!??” “No. I missed the whole thing.” Gaz said,
not looking up from her game screen. “He called the food disgusting.” “So? The food IS disgusting.
It’s dog shit, stupid.” Dib looks down at his half-eaten tray, and then runs for the bathroom, gagging. The
other kids look at him and laugh. The ones that aren’t throwing up, anyway. “STUPID EARTH WEASEL!!” Zim
shouts after his sickened enemy. Ms. Bitters materializes behind him. “Earth weasel is not derogatory enough, ZIM.”
She hissed. “You have detention immediately after Skool.” She pulled out a metal thing roughly the size of a microwave,
and Closed it around Zim’s head. The word ‘detention’ was painted in bright yellow letters on the front. “Detention?”
Zim asked incredulously, pulling at the huge device. “I will go to no ‘detention.’” “You
WILL go.” Said Ms. Bitters, jabbing at him with a bony finger. “Or I will personally send you to the under-the-underground
classrooms.” While Zim was screaming in horror at the mere thought, Dib returned to his seat next to Gaz. Gaz grinned,
because she liked seeing Dib suffer. “Did you get it all out of your system?” She asked, not really caring. “Yeees…”
Dib moaned, looking a little green. “Then don’t buy tomorrow, that’s what’ll be on the plate.” Dib
rushed back into the bathroom, and Gaz grinned a little more. Not enough for anyone to notice, though. That would simply not
do.
Somewhere far away, a chicken becomes very depressed, as a result of it’s cousin being launched into space.
Succumbing to despair, it smothers itself in cotton batting. No one notices it’s passing, which is very sad.
Back
in the Cafeteria, Dib is again studying Zim. Zim is studying his….food. Lots of hmm-ing and body language is involved. “Zim’s
got detention today.” Said Gaz. “Maybe you should stay here and try to prove he’s an alien.” “I
WILL DO THAT THING!” Said Dib, experiencing a moment of epiphany. Evryone who hears him gives him weird looks. Because
that’s a weird thing to shout, ya know? Gaz was very proud of herself because now Dib wasn’t going to be home
all night, and she liked being home alone. Plus they might just disappear forever, which had been known to happen in Ms. Bitters’s
detention. Zim brooded all afternoon. Stupid humans and their stupid detentions. They should be honored to let Zim leave! “HONORED!!!”
He shouted, interrupting the Science teacher’s lecture. “Do you have something to share, Zim?” Mr. Dutt
asked, glaring at him. “I HAVE DETENTION AND I DO NOT NEED IT!!” Zim shrieked, jumping up on his desk. “Unless
you want another detention,” Mr. Dutt said menacingly, “You will sit down, shut up, and resume memorizing information
like a zombie. Is. That. Clear?” “Yeees…” Zim mumbled, sinking back into his seat. Dib raised
his hand. “Yes Dib.” Said Mr. Dutt boredly. “Zim has a detention! A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHHAHAHAAA!!!
He’s such a stupid alien.” “I’m sure you two will have a nice time together.” Said Mr. Dutt,
who’s face was beginning to turn purple. “But I don’t have detention…” Said Dib, pretending
to be confused. “You do NOW.” Said Mr. Dutt. Dib pretended to be disappointed, exept he really wanted a
detention, so he could pester I mean observe Zim and his alien EVIL! Zim actually was disappointed because he had been
planning to put his newest evil plan into action that night, but it would have to wait until tomarrow. “Sigh.”
Said Zim. “Siiiiiiiiiigh.” Said Dib. “WILL THE TWO OF YOU SHUT YOUR PIE HOLES???!!” Shouted
Mr. Dutt. They shut up.
Zim sat in the Detention hall, doodling exploding planets. Then he drew slaughtering rat
people killikg humans. Then he drew all the slaughtering rat people eating Dib’s HUMONGOUS HEAD!!! Really, have you
seen that thing? It friggin’ HUGE! Dib sidled over. “Hey Zim. Watcha doin?” “AHH! GERMS!
BE AWAY FROM ME STINK-MUFFIN!!” “Stink muffin? Zim, you are really starting to lose your touch.” “I
LOSE NO TOUCH!! Zim has all the touch! ZIM IS LORD RULER OF THE TOUCH!!” People gave them odd looks, which is pretty
usual by now. “That Zim is such a freak.” Said a boy to his friends. “Yah…. I bet he’s
like… an alien or sumthin.” “Shhhh!” Hissed a girl from nearby. “Don’t say that! That’s
what Dib says. You can’t agree with him! It’s just not cool.” The others bobbed their heads like retarded
bobble heads. It wasn’t good to agree with losers. “Can we get back to ME OVER HERE!!!” Zim screamed
at the Author. She hastily returned focus to the CORRECT people. “I will destroy you!” Said Zim. “I’ll
prove you’re an alien!” “LIAR!” “LAIR!!” “I will never let that happen
so HA!” “I will never let that happen more so DOUBLE HA!” “I will take your ha and use it to
DESTROY YOU!” “Nuh-uh!” “Yuh-huh!” “WILL YOU LITTLE MONKEYS SHUT UP!!” Screeched
Ms. Bitters. Ms. Bitters was pissed because she was stuck with detention duty, which means she couldn’t go home and
feed on the souls of the unwilling. “I’m stuck here, and you little brats are NOT making it easier!” “I
don wanna be here either!” Zim retorted, never to be outdone. Dib, feeling left out, took the opportunity to latch onto
Zim and start yanking at his PAK. “GIMME THIS!!” “NOOOOO!!! Not me PAK!!” Zim started screaming
and running all over the classroom, knocking over desks and chairs. People fled, even there was really no reason. Dib didn’t
let go. Even when they knocked the chalkboard off the wall and it flew down and shattered. Mrs. Bitters picked up pieces
of the slate board. They were pretty sharp. She looked around her room at children huddled in a corner, and the two boys duking
it out in the middle of the room. “SILENCE!!” She hissed, throwing the jagged stone at them. “You are
just too horrible to live, so I’m going to steal your YOUTH AND LEAVE THE COUNTRY! A-HAHAHA!” Zim stopped strangling
Dib. Dib let go of Zim’s antennae. They stared at Ms. Bitters, who was glowing with a unearthly light. She was also
cackling like a freaking crackhead, which is kind of scary. “Well, I guess we’re going to have to team up again,
like we do in pretty much every episode.” Said Zim drearily. “I don’t think so, but soon something will
happen that’ll make me agree with you.” Dib said. Mrs. Bitters picked up a long sword that appeared on the
floor. “I wonder why this was here. Ah, well. I’m going to tell you my whole plan so you heroes can find a
way to escape. First I’m going to steal your life force, so I become unnaturally young again. Then I’m going to
go to Columbia to run drugs.” “You steal life force to stay young?” Asked a boy who wasn’t particularly
bright. “Oh yes,” Said Ms. Bitters. “You know what they say, when the botox doesn’t work, you can
always sell your soul to the devil.” A flaming hamster flew in the window. It landed on the sword, and the sword
lit on fire. The hamster fell on the ground and exploded, with little pink firecrackers going off. Evryone clapped. “I
agree with you now.” Said Dib tonelessly. “So what do we do?” “I don’t knooow…”
Zim whined. “DIIIIIIIIIIEEE!!” Ms. Bitters screeched, launching herself at the students in the corner. “Oh,
I know what we can do.” Said Zim. He pulled a huge bomb out of his PAK. “Is there any particular reason you
carry that around?” Dib asked. “No, not really. You just never know when you could use a bomb big enough to
wipe out a small country.” Dib nervously inched away from Zim and his bomb. “How about you chuck it at her,
and I’ll run away?” “Yeah, okay.” Said Zim. Then, “hey… wait a second…”
But Dib was already off running. Then he returned to the task of igniting to bomb. “ANYBODY GOT A LIGHT??”
He yelled at the cowering kids in the corner. Somebody threw a BIC lighter at him. “Those aren’t allowed on
skool property.” Said Ms. Bitters. The kid she was holding twitched and aged ten years in four seconds. Zim lit the
bomb and took off. He was just reaching the Skool doors when it exploded, blowing a huge hole in the Skool wall. He watched
the kids fall two stories to the ground. Ms. Bitters was flung into the sky, where she turned into dust and floated away. “Do
you think she’s gone?” Asked Dib, coming up behind Zim. They stared at the sky. “No,” said Zim.
“ Don’t think she’ll ever be really gone.” They stared at the sky for a few more seconds. The Zim
punched Dib in the head and ran off. Dib chased after him. THE FRIGGIN END!
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