The sirens were getting closer. I hoped I was far enough away from my little 'project' that they wouldn't notice me, but
inside, I knew I wasn't. I looked around for somewhere to hide, anywhere. I was in the outer parts of town. While not having
the stink of the city, they also lacked it's abundance of dark alleys.
I saw an abandoned house. It had nothing but dirt
for a lawn, and the windows were boarded up. I don't think there was even any glass in the frames. I ran down the path, and
kicked the door open. It offered almost no resistance. I ducked inside, and closed it behind me. The speeding police car saw
none of this, and went right by. Somehow, they always did. I wondered if maybe that was a fault of Senor Diablo's.
surprise, I heard a sound from below me. It sounded like screaming. I bit my lip, and hoped the police cars were gone. I looked
out from between two boards, and saw a few more go by. No such luck.
'oh, isn't THIS interesting.' said a voice from behind
me. I spun around, but I didn't see anything. Just a couch, a TV with bunny ears, and, for some reason, a table with a Bob's
Burgur Boy statue.
‘I’m the statue, just FYI.’ said The burgur boy. ‘call me Reverend MEAT."
Now I’ve got THREE inanimate objects that talk to me. I’m so lucky."
‘the luck is gonna end if you’re
not out of this house by the time Johnny comes back upstairs. He’s really pissed off right now. Somebody spray painted
‘they got caught doing it, though. That helped a lot."
Another scream came from
I looked outside. A steady stream of people came walking down the street to look at what the policemen were
doing. Stupid civilians. I looked down at my blood-splattered shirt. I HAD picked the PERFECT day to wear green. Lime green.
I liked this sweater, too. Ah, well.
‘I liked that sweater, too.’ Said Elijah. He was my little amethyst heart.
I keep him in my pocket.
‘It was worth it, though.’ said Damon. He’s a stuffed bear I keep in my backpack.
‘That guy was a serious offender. He shouldn’t have grabbed you.’
"yeah, I know. I just wish I had worn
a different sweater."
The sounds of stomping came up the steps. I jumped to the doorway, stood there, where he couldn’t
see me. I pulled out my second-favorite knife, (the first was already dirty) and held it at the ready.
He had a knife,
too. I didn’t see it until he had already passed me, though. I silently cursed at not attacking when I was in the clear.
Now he had the advantage. He seemed to know that there was someone up here. He looked around, and it took him three seconds
to spot me. I had to admit, it would have taken me four.
"What the hell? How did you get in here?"
"um… The door?"
there’s a LOT of police cars out of there. I’m not exactly in casual dress here." I held out my arms without lowering
the knife. I took a second to realize that he had blood on him too.
He thought for a second. He made the wrong decision,
and lunged at me. His knife was bigger, but I was faster. He missed, and almost went off balance. I took the opportunity to
nick him in the shoulder. He gasped as blood rolled down his back. For a second, I wondered if maybe I hadn’t cut him
too deep, but he whipped around, and caught me in the side. Note to self: Bread knives HURT if they’re sharp enough.
I sunk to the floor, but I kept my eyes on him. He obviously though he had gotten me worse than he had. He turned, a fatal
mistake, and I threw my knife. It landed between his two bottom ribs on the right side, and went in halfway to the hilt. I
knew from experience that not many people recovered from an injury like that, unless they had immediate help. And I don’t
think help was coming. I grinned, and for a second, wondered if I would bleed to death before or after him. I didn’t
get to wonder long, because everything got kinda hazy, then went black. Around me, the Universe ceased to exist.
never killed anyone in real life, and for this reason have NO IDEA whether or not this would kill you or not. So sue me. All
you’ll get is my pebble and a whole crapload of VOODOO EVIL!)
I sat up, and looked around me at the filth and
squabble I had come to recognize as the outer gates of Heaven. Great. More bunnies.
I hoped they didn’t remember
the last time I was here. I really don’t feel like having my head exploded right now. I looked down at the fatal wound.
It no longer bled, but I really needed a bandaid.
Thinking of mortal wounds made me think of Johnny. I looked around, and
saw he was already sitting by me. He was glaring in a scalding near-fatal kind of way.
"I hope you hate it here." he said.
"There’s freaky angel bunnies all over the place. It’s infested." I glared right back.
"Duh. You think I’ve
never been to heaven before? Moron."
"Shut up, or I’ll kill you again as soon as we come back to life."
kill you too. You just try. I bet Senor Diablo would get really pissed at us. It’s not easy to re-install all of existence,
you know. Twice in one day, phew." He looked thoughtful.
"I guess. Hey, look there’s God." I looked. He was still
sitting in his sentient chair. I ignored him.
"We might as well go in. We’ve gotta stay here until they dump us
down into hell, and it stinks out here."
Soundlessly, he stood up, and I followed him into Heaven. He looked a little worried.
I wondered why.
As we walked into heaven, all heads turned to look at us. In unison, Everyone’s face turned into
a frown. I considered going back, but then I felt the horrifyingly familiar sensation of having my head explode. A second
later, it pulled back into position. I spit out a mouthful of blood. I really hate going to heaven.
I looked over at Johnny,
expecting him to be smirking at me. He wasn’t. He was shaking his head. The other people here smirked at us, and went
back to blissing. I made a face at them, but they didn’t notice. I pulled down a chair, and sat on it, waiting for the
poof that would take me to Hell. When it didn’t come, I let my mind wander, occasionally getting scared to death by
the freaky floating bunnies. Soon, I had an idea.
I tapped into the magic Heaven-powers, and EXPLODED THAT STUPID BUNNY!
my head off, I fell backward, almost tipping off the chair. The a fat old bag looked over at me with that look, the really
annoying one. If I hadn’t had my head so recently exploded, she would get it. I heard a pop, and saw that Johnny had
taken up the bunny exploding. I popped two at once. Just like a guy, he took it as a challenge, and popped three. I popped
four. So on and so forth. I was up to 11 when a little poof dropped me in Hell.
"You two have
REALLY got to stop doing this. YEAH!" In horror, I looked over my shoulder at Senor Diablo. True to horror’s sake, he
was a cheerleader. Pure evil.
"What was I supposed to do? She was in my HOUSE!"
"Well EXUSE me for trying to avoid prison!"
can’t get caught!"
"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT, SATAN?"
"Will you shut up?"
"You shut up! I would have
left! YOU took the first swipe at ME!"
"YOU WERE IN MY HOUSE!"
"I thought it was ABANDONED! You’re not world’s
best housekeeper, you know!"
"I’M A HOMICIDAL MANIAC!"
"I would have thought with all those nutrients, the grass
would grow quite well." Mused Satan.
"Well. Yeah, but I keep digging it up again."
"Oh, well. Look, Johnny, I know your
reasons for killing Marissa. And I would too, if it would get me anywhere. But she’s a waste lock, too, so don’t
kill her again. It’s really a pain re-installing reality all the time. Plus, I don’t want her down here anymore
than she has to be. She has a thing for Hell’s brainfreezys. They have a LOT of sugar, and well…" He trailed off.
Johnny looked at me fearfully. I grinned like a psycho. Which, I guess, wasn’t that far from my regular smile.
you guys have to go back any minute now. See-"
I sat up. The world existed. We must be alive again. Woohoo.
I sat up. Crap. More blood on my shirt. It was definatly ruined forever. The huge tear along the side didn’t add to
it’s redeeming factors. Strangely, the blood seemed to soak into the floor. I heard a sucking noise. Oh-kayy…
tenitavely reached my hand up. Shoot. All my hair came off again. I would put it at an inch, tops. I JUST got over the last
I poked Johnny. He groaned, and gave me the evil eye. I glared right back
"Oh good! You guys are finally back.
Nice to see the universe still exists."
"Shut up, weird Meat thing."
"Yay! You’re back!" Squeaked Elijah.
Sid Damon. "The paint is thinning. Go refresh it, NOW!"
"OK, OK, I will… geez, you sound like my MOM…"
another word, I walked out the door into the gathering darkness.
I splashed more blood onto the floor. It was almost
covered now, at least covered enough to keep the …thing…in. I walked upstairs, leaving the new coat to dry. It
ALWAYS DRIES! How simple my life would be if it didn’t. I’m not a particularly violent person. I just see the
unwilling sacrifice of few as justified by the saving of so many others.
I plopped down in a kitchen chair.
me five minutes to realize that I was hungry. I opened the cupboard. I had a dozen Ramen Noodle packets, some canned soup,
and a can of skettios. Not in the mood.
"I’m going to get a brainfreezy!" I yelled to Damon, who was watching TV.
See you whenever." I looked speculatively at the TV. A green kid and a kid with a huge head were chasing each other around
"You’re rotting your brain." I told him. He looked at me kinda creepy.
"Not MY brain."
I walked outside and slammed the door. I started walking toward the 24/7.
"I never knew there was another waste lock so
close. In the whole planet, there’s two on the same street."
"Yeah, weird, isn’t it?"
"What the… Oh,
I forgot you were in my pocket, Elijah."
"Yeah. I am spooky, no?"
"uh…yeah. You’re spooky."
you keep thinking about Johnny?"
"Um…he killed me in the last 24 hours, does that count as a reason?"
not thinking about THAT. You’re thinking about HIM."
"So? We’re both waste locks. We have a lot in common.
Who knows how many there are on EARTH? Probably just six or seven. So finding another isn’t a garuntee."
"Johnny and Marissa, sittin-"
"SHUT UP OR I’LL PITCH YOU DOWN A SEWER DRAIN!"
I walked into the 24/7 with all the air of a normal everyday customer. Hehe. There wasn’t anyone
else in there, which is normal, I guess, at two thirty in the morning. I walked back to the brainfreezy machine. They had
a new flavor, Destructive lime explosion. I was debating whether to try this, or just go with peanut DOOM when the door rang,
announcing the arrival of another customer. I chose Lime explosion, and went to fill up the cup.
"How come all of a sudden
"ditto." I turned around. "I just want a brainfreezy. Leave me alone."
"Oooh! New flavor!"
He grabbed the biggest cup they had, and pulled the lever. Nothing happened. I instantly panicked.
"THE BRAINFREEZY MACHINES
BROKEEEEN!"I screeched. ( I am not pleasant when I have been denied life-giving SUGAR.)
"We turn the brainfreezy machine
off at 2:00." I glared at the clerk, a new guy with spiky blonde hair. (They always have a new guy working here, I wonder
"Why didn’t you tell me that BEFORE I got the cup out?"
"Eh." He shrugged his shoulders. Johnny got
really mad for some reason.
"Will you just turn the stupid thing on?"
"Nope, can’t do that."
"Johnny, the lever’s
right here…" I pulled down on it. The machine whirred to life.
"HEY! You can’t do that! You’re not allowed
to do that!"
"Shut up." Johnny glared at him. He didn’t take the hint.
"You can’t DO that! Turn it back
"The basement’s getting kinda empty."
"Damon? Where did THAT come from?"
"Oh, I’m part of your
mind now. I’m lonely, get your brainfreezy and come home, OK?"
"All right…" I filled up my cup. When it was
done, I filled up Johnny’s cup, too. (He was otherwise occupied.) The lime freezy slowly oozed out of the freeing thingie
into the cup. I tied not to discern the noises it made from the noises behind me. (What? I had to kill SOMEONE!)
My treat." I handed him the cup. He took it cautiously.
"YOU take the first sip."
"Hahaha. I’m not ALLOWED to
poison you, remember? Anyway, it’s not like it would do any good."
I walked behind the counter, and entered the
code. The drawer popped open. Most people in my position would REMOVE the contents, but I just put in the two dollars to pay
for the brainfreezys.
"hey, you kill the annoying clerk, I pay for the brainfreezys." I looked behind me.
"How do you suppose they stay in business? It seems like they ALWAYS have a new guy working in there. I guess I know what
HAPPENS to most of them…"
" I wanna know why people keep applying."
"Humanity is stupid. All of them. Running
around not caring about anything but themselves NOW. They’ve screwed everything else up so bad they can’t see
it even if they wanted to."
"It’s sometimes fun to watch, though. Like an ant farm, only bigger and a lot more destructive.
They build their great cities, only to have them destroyed by other people. At least the ants help each other. All THEY do
"Yeah. Hey… wanna go up to the cliffs?"
"You know, that great lookout? The younger kids
call it lovers lane."
"Oh, shut up. I didn’t mean it like that, you loser."
"Sigh. Ok. But just to get
away from Rev. MEAT. He’s driving me NUTS!"
"Fine with me. C’mon, My house is closer. We’ll take my car."
I don’t really care what you think, but I think my car is AWESOME! (A/N Dream car is described here, I don’t actually
have a car.) It’s a dark blue pickup, with a hood. I didn’t get extended cab, because I don’t really have
any friends. And it’s not like I need any extra trunk space. I keep a tent and a sleeping bag in the back all the time.
Sometimes I just need to go away for a while, and not worry about coming back. I drove up the twisting road slowly, trying
not to go off the gaurdrail-less road. It would be a long, LONG trip down the mountain if I went off the side. And then I’d
have to get another car. NOT GOOD.
I didn’t say much on the trip up. Turns out he knew where this place was after
all. We came up to the flat place at the top, and I pulled up really close to the edge, like I always do. I climbed up, and
sat on the roof of the car. From where I was, it looked like I was flying high above the ground, with nothing around. Then
Johnny ruined the effect by climbing up next to me.
"It’s so pretty when you’re looking DOWN on it." He looked
at me kinda funny.
"It just adds to the whole ant farm thing. Look at them. They go around in meaningless circles. And
why? So they can make themselves somehow more important than the next person. To be richer, more famous, more beautiful. But
no one thinks of becoming KINDER." There was silence for a moment.
"Maybe I just come up here too much for my own good."
no, you’re right. Of course, none of those things make any difference to ME."
"And that’s the appeal of being
a waste lock. You see things for how they really are. Of course, this is only really appealing in IDEA, rather than actual
"did you ever really think what’ll happen once we’re no longer waste locks? Do you suppose we’ll
die? Maybe really getting old and dying is how we’ll lose it. I dunno. Can you imagine being 46 years old, still talking
in angst mode all the tome, still killing people to feed a stupid WALL?"
"Mine’s a floor. Yeah, I can just picture
us all. HEY YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN OR I’LL DISEMBOWEL YOU!" Johnny laughed.
"They won’t believe us, either.
Ha. Stupid kids."
"Maybe we’ll be like ‘Old Ms. G., don’t go near her house or she’ll EAT YOU!’
kinda old people. Then some kid’ll get convinced we’re really sweet old people, just nobody likes us."
in all the movies. He’ll come over, being the good samaritin."
"Ha! I’ll laugh at that kid."
"No, he won’t!"
We had a good laugh. I just hoped nobody else would come up. Somehow, I got the impression
that Johnny wasn’t as easygoing as I was. I don’t think he would appreciate an interruption just now. Fortunatly
for them, no one came.
When I walked into my house the next day, Damon was still watching TV. The same show. The green
kid was cackling something about a room with a moose. Damon’s little plastic eyes were huge, glued to the screen.
HOME!" I yelled in his ear.
"HEY! This is MY house,
I’ll talk if I want to!"
"Geez, sorry! I just need to watch ZIIIIIIM!" (Weird, drawn out ‘zim’)
I’m hurt that you didn’t notice I was gone all night.":
"I noticed. I just didn’t really care. It’s
not like you’re gonna get yourself killed."
"You are SO inconsiderate."
"I’m a guy."
"No, not really…"
I considered going out for another brainfreezy, but I decided
against it cuz I’m really too lazy. So I had nothing to do. I sat down on the couch nest to Damon, and watched the weird,
twisted show he was watching.
The short segment will be brought to you courtesy of Johnny the homicidal maniac and
ME the amazing gopher robot, I mean author!
Having no idea of what to do, I decided to go to Marissa’s. I hoped
she wouldn’t mind.
I rang her doorbell, and heard a screeching noise inside. I wondered if maybe she had the same
doorbell as me. That would be cool. I pushed the door open. Surprisingly, she was sitting right inside on the couch, staring
at the TV. Her eyes were huge and glassy.
Obviosuly, she’d overdosed on something. Funny, she didn’t
strike me as that sort of girl.
"Aw, fffffuck!" I repeated. She turned toward me. Man, those eyes are creepy.
UP! I’M WATCHING THE MARATHON OF ZIIIIIIIIM!"
It was worse than I thought. It was Invader Zim. Geez, I thought that
was a myth. Watch it once, and you are forever DOOMED to be an obsessive, crappy fanfic writer. (sniff…it’s true.)
Marissa! Don’t do it! I can’t let you!"
I dragged her away from the television. I’ve KILLED people who
didn’t struggle as much. It was scary. She pulled toward the television. Her bear still sat there. Somehow, it looked
like it was obsessed too. I shook my head, and concentrated on not paying attention to the show. But it was like she was gravitating
toward it. I leaned back as far as I could, and she STILL managed to DRAG me toward the television. In a final act of desperation,
I pulled back and put my whole foot through the TV. Glass went everywhere. The strange show disappeared.
BACK TO ME, ZIM! I LUUV YOOOOOOU!" She hugged the sparking machine. I pulled her off it again. I knew enough about electricity
to know that there was some POWER running through a TV.
"What the…?" Something huge and furry
jumped me from behind. The Teddy bear. I faught it off my head, reminding myself NEVER to come back to this house of EVIL.
KILLED THE TV! YOU EVIL S.O.B.!" I ripped it off my head and threw it away. Unfortunatly, it landed in the TV.
The TV burst into flames. The wall behind the TV caught on fire too. The wall paper went up in seconds. I think it
was the glue. Soon the ceiling caught. I looked around for something to smother it with. Marissa grabbed a cushoin, and pushed
it into the flames, beating at them with a surprising amount of violence. It didn’t help. The cushoin caught on fire,
too. She threw it away. It smothered quietly in a corner. Untill it caught the other wall on fire too. What did she do, soak
her house in kerosene?
There was no way we could save anything, now. The ceiling was collapsing. I grabbed Marissa’s
hand, and practically dragged her out the door. She still wanted to try to save the TV. How could they put that show on a
I have no idea. We stood on the front lawn, and watched the little house burn to the ground.
I had some lighter fluid in the kitchen. Maybe we should-"
"Why on earth did
you have THAT MUCH lighter fluid?"
"I…used…it for…um…reasons I don’t feel like divulging."
enough…I guess. I hope you were insured…"
"What am I gonna do…"
I killed that psycho bear."
"At least the stupid FLOOR is gone…I don’t have to feed it anymore…."
could always use a little help with my wall… and I’ve got an extra bedroom… I just gotta get all the torture
"Are you inviting me to-"
"Yeah, for a while, at least. You don’t sleepwalk, do you?"
I stared up at the cracked ceiling. It turned out I was insured… I got a couple thousand dollars out
of my old house. Considering that ‘maitenence’ for that house included murder, I wasn’t really that upset.
I got 20,000, and I no longer need to kill people. Everybody wins.
Back to the seiling. I really do go off on too many
I sat up, and pulled on an old black sweater of mine. I put a little gel on my short black hair. It spikes really
I walked out of my room into the kitchen. Of course, Johnny was still asleep. His door was closed, and probably
double-bolted, too, after last week’s ‘sleepwalking episode.’
I opened the fridge, and to my surprise,
we had eggs. You know what that maens….
I love pancakes. It would be waffles, cept I don’t have
a waffle iron. Too bad… maybe I’ll buy one…
I got out he eggs, and the flour and all the rest of the
pancake stuff. I turned on the stove, and put a pan on it. I mixed up all the pancake stuff and poared it into the pan. Now,
don’t get me wrong, I’m normally really good at making pancakes. Exept this time, I REALLY wanted to find out
what would happen it I tried to make a really BIG pancake. So I poared all the batter into the pan. It was Ok, untill I tried
to flip it. Then it kinda fell apart. So I scrambled it. Yum. When Johnny came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes, I had a
very nice breakfast made. I put half of it in a bowl for him. Yes, we actually have bowls now. You wouldn’t beleice
the living habits of bachelors. Skettios right out of the can, and brainfreezys. Geez.
I ate mine with a spork. I love
sporks. They are my favorite utensils. I even like the name: spork. It disturbs Johnny how I eat EVRYTHING with a spork. Hehe.
"This is pretty good. What is it?"
"Intersting. How would you think of that?"
"No doubt about that…"
"What does THAT MEAN?"
"ok…" I glared suspiciously.
He played innocent.
"At least it’s better than your American cheese and pork ‘n’ beans TACOS." (Reference
to my life! Another time I let my dad ‘cook’)
"HEY! If you hadn’t burned the PIZZA, I wouldn’t
have had to improvise."
"Will you two shut up? Sheesh, you should go OUT sometime."
"Shut up, Rev. MEAT."
know why all you ever say to me is ‘shut up’"
"Cuz you never LISTEN." He had nothing to say to that.
wanna know why you can hear the voices in my head."
"I’m just lucky, I guess."
"Ok. Whatever. You know, we really
should go out sometime."
"I wanna go to Taco Hell."
"No, seriously GO OUT."
"Like on a date?"
But you can’t kill anyone. That really kinda spooks me."
"When do you want to go?"
"How bout today?
I know JUST the place."
The dance club was a little louder than I remembered, a little darker. Maybe
it was just the black lights. The floor was white, and that’s how they LIT the place. A bunch of people were dancing,
but the style seemed to have changed since the last time I was here. Johnny regarded the dance floor with a kind of mortal
fear, so I decided to steer SHRAIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE! Hahahaha. I am an evil marissa.
I started dancing exactly the way
I remembered. Who cares if no one else was doing the same thing? Conformity is not all it’s cracked up to be. Johnny
tried. I know he did. But he wasn’t really good at it. It was kinda funny. But he didn’t dislike it. Actually,
he kept laughing. Which is kinda weird, he doesn’t laugh much.
(I’m sitting here wondering if being a Gf of
Johnny would be good or bad in real life…)
Kind of a lot of people laughed at us, but we deserved it because our
style was at least four hundred mules from anyone elses. I guess it must be a big deal for Johnny to get made fun of it. He
has serious issues with it. I could see him in his mind doing horrible things to all the laughing people. Thank goodness no
one used the word ‘wacky.’ I think his brain might have overloaded. Violently.
After an hour and a half, I
got hungry so we went to the bar. I got a cheeseburger. Mmmm. Cheeseburger. He wasn’t gonna eat anything, but I made
him. While lots of fun, it isn’t healthy to live on brainfreezys, skettios, and assorted snacks. I wondered for a moment
if he wouldn’t order in Vietnamese or something just cuz he’s nuts.
But he didn’t. He just got an order
of French fries. BIG fries. They have that as a specialty here. With lots of salt. I love salt…
it’s kinda nice to go out somewhere besides 24/7."
"Yeah…" He kept looking at me kinda funny. Not a bad funny,
like a happy funny.
"We should do this more. It’s getting annoying never talking to anyone besides Rev. MEAT and
"Elijah’s not so bad. You don’t have him with you, do you?"
"No…I wanted a little privacy
"That’s cool." I leaned forward a little. Unfortunatly just then the song changed from romantic to HARD
ROCK. Johnny cringed. I noticed upon settling down he ended up a little closer, too. I smiled. His brown eyes looked into
mine. He grinned too.
"NO! I told you it’s OVER! You’re DRUNK, Brett."
c’mon baby… don’t be like that. Why don’t we just talk this over… come sit down."
staying over here."
"What, you kiss me once and that means it’s over? Do you have a COLLECTION or something?"
That’s it, I didn’t kiss you, you kissed me and I didn’t WANT to. That’s why I was pushing AWAY!"
try it just ONE more time…"
"NO! GET AWAY! Let GO!"
"Marissa? Are you OK? Marissa?" I focused
on the hand waving in front of my face.
"Yeah. Um…having a thought. Never mind."
"You have a look of horror on
your face. What the heck are you thinking about?"
"Nothing, OK? It’s something I want to forget."
ate in silence for a minute. I couldn’t believe I had lapsed into THAT memory. Why can’t I block these things
out? It’s MY mind. I should be able to think anything I want. I realized I had pretty much ruined any romantic aura
we had had.
"Wanna go back up to the cliffs? It’s a full moon tonite."
"Ok. I’ll drive." At least he didn’t
want to go home.
I sat on the roof of the car, and stared out at the rising orb. The moon was still orange, and huge,
in perspective to the tiny buildings around it. Next to me, Johnny shivered.
"I’ve got a blanket in the back if you
He jumped off the roof and went around back to get the blanket. He returned, and wrapped it around him. It was
funny looking. I had a HUGE blanket, and he was so little. I grabbed a corner, and pulled it around my shoulders. He moved
a little closer, and we sat there under the blanket staring at the moon. It slowly rose and shrunk. The little people below
it scurried and rushed, oblivious to the huge expanse of stars above them. They saw it, but did not comprehend the sheer magnitude
of beauty that they saw. It is the same with everything. They see, but do not comprehend. Sigh.
"Look at that green car."
I said, pointing. "It’s been going around that block forever. I wonder what he’s doing."
care! What do you think he's doing?"
"I have no idea."
"Oh, c'mon. speculate."
"Probably trying to impress girls
with his new car."
"See? that wasn't so hard. I think he's trying to make himself dizzy."
"Maybe he's lost."
he wants to see if it'll change."
"Heh. Yeah, maybe."
I looked up at him. He had a thoughtful look on his face.
He closaed one eye, than the other. He got that 'ice cream headache' look.
"I know. I try to
do that all the time, and I can't. Still, it's something to do."
"Yeah, I guess." I leaned up toward him and kissed his
cheek. He looked a little surprised. Then he leaned down and kissed me back. I grinned, and pulled the blanket over our heads.
And no one came up the road.
The next day, we realized the wall was almost dry. We really needed someone, so Johnny
went out to look for a mime or something. He didn't make me come. I'm free of my floor, and I don't want to kill anymore.
"You're not really free of it, you know."
"Elijah, the floor is a pile of white ash. I can't possibly feed it anymore."
you have to. I could for a while, but I can't do it forever. I'm only a side to your internal conversaitions. YOU have to
feed it sometime."
"SHOOT! I can't get rid of it?"
"Nope." I went outside and walked down the road to my old house.
There wasn't much left. I found the hole where the stairs had been, and slid down into the remains of the basement. To my
horror, my feet hit hard wood. The paintbrushes I had had were lying about, charred beyond recognition, but the floor was
"Feed it. Go find someone, Marissa."
"Who are you talking to?"
"You didn't hear that?"
I heard Damon."
"Must just be a memory. Damon died in the fire. Damon STARTED the fire."
"No, Damon didn't do it. Johnny
threw him off at the TV. It wasn't his fault."
"Yes it was. He WANTED the monster to escape. He WAS the monster, sorta.
I didn't figure it out till a few days ago. Like he wasn't YOU anymore."
"The monster started the fire so it could escape?"
sliver of black snaked across the floor. It was pushing free. I scrambled up the stairwell. It was slippery. I looked around
for someone, anyone, and my eyes rested on a young man walking down the street. I waved at him, and slowly, he walked over.
I knelt down, pointing down the dark hole. He peered curiously down, and I pulled a long knife out of my left boot.
job. But the blood dries."
"SHUT UP DAMON!"
"Who the hell is damon?"
"SHUT UP MEAT!"
"You are hearing a MEMORY."
"You've gone nuts."
"SHUT UP or I'll roast you, MEAT!"
"Didn't seem to stop 'Damon'"
"SHUT UP MEAT!"
I ever noticed I don’t listen to you?"
I pulled off my bloodied shirt and ran it under some warm water. Some of the
red washed off. Of course, it was my favorite shirt, again. It was white with a black Z? on it. I made it, after a shirt of
Johnny’s. And now there was blood all over it.
I scrubbed at the brownish stains. They lightened. I ran
into the bathroom to get the hydrogen peroxide. I poured it onto the shirt, and scrubbed more. They were almost invisible
"It’s a white shirt, MEAT."
"So I’ve gotta get all the color out."
"You’re a slave."
"Shut up MEAT."
"Back to Damon. He won’t be dead until you say he is,
because he wasn’t real to begin with."
"But he MOVED."
"Um, yes…. That’s kinda confusing. Not sure
what was happening there…."
"Oh, yeah. That could be it. Gee, I didn’t think of that…"
"I’m not MEAT."
Shoot. I pulled my wet shirt back on.
"Sorry, I didn’t know you were home."
was painting the wall."
"I see you had an…experience…"
"SEE? I told you, MEAT. I have to get
all the color off. Guess what? My floor is fine, despite the rest of the house being burned into antimatter."
have no idea."
"The bear is back too, in my head."
"The one who jumped me?"
"Yeah. He’s also burned,
and he’s STILL TALKING!"
" So fire doesn’t fix problems of insanity."
"Shoot. I was gonna
"Don’t. Now I’ve gotta COMMUTE to paint the floor. I thought it was bad before…"
get to kill."
"SHUT UP DAMON!!!!!"
"Um, could you not do that…"
"Sorry. I’m just used to talking to MEAT."
I understand, but yelling that at random times is gonna freak me out. I don’t have the Gift of Gab like you."
"You hear my delusions, I don’t hear yours."
"Did you feed it?"
"Yeah, it was already
about to break through when I got there. I’m glad Elijah knew about it or we wouldn’t be here now."
here is bad. Yup."
"Thank you for the update, Elijah."
"I was gonna ask you if you want to go out tonite because all
we have is flour and a little baking soda."
"Baking soda is yummy."
"Yeah, but there’s not enough for a meal."
do you want to go? I picked yesterday."
"I let’s go to… Oh, what’s that place by the CD Cesspool."
I know that place… Eat or Die, right?"
"Yeah. I love the theme of that place."
Said the speaker. "Please have a seat… OR DIE!"
"Okay!" I said cheerfully.
We walked to a booth. There was another
speaker on the table. Two menus flew out and fell off the table. I leaned over and picked them up. There was a lot of Mexican
stuff. Mexican is weird cuz they put all sorts of weird stuff on all their food. They put peppers and onions on EVRYTHING.
now… OR DIE!"
I got a tortilla thing with lots of meat. Meat is good. A cool song was playing. 11 Miles an hour,
by Was (Not Was). I hummed, and to my unending surprise, so did Johnny.
"You know this song?"
"Yeah, this is my favorite!"
too! I never knew anyone besides me who knew it!"
"Me neither. That’s weird."
"You know, I was thinking about
how mush we have in common, I bet we have the weirdest ‘how we met’ story in the history of human interactions."
really, I mean-"
I froze. The door opened, and Brett walked in. He was with some girl, and he was at least a little drunk.
Exactly is I remembered him. I breathed deep, and clenched my eyes shut, but the same barrier opened, and the memories came
flooding through. Johnny turned around to see what he had seen.
"Are you OK? Want me to…?"
"No, no, let’s
just go, Ok? I want to go."
"Fine." Without even waiting for the food, I stood up and started walking toward the door.
I was trying to be invisible. I was good at it. And he saw me anyway.
"Marissa! Hey, babe, how you been? I miss you."
"Aww, Marissa’s defensive. You know me better than that. Hard to get doesn’t work for me."
"Who’s gonna make me, you? Ha. I’ll fight you. I need a good laugh."
"Leave him, Johnny. Let’s
"Yeah, you just go. Wuss. Wussy baby." His little group laughed. I tried not to freak out.
"Is that your new
"Don’t call me that!"
"He can’t be her boyfreind." Siad the girl. "He looks like a fag
They laughed, and I ran out the door. Johnny followed me. I ran to the car, and jumped into the passenger’s
seat. I slammed the door. Johnny came around and got in the driver’s side.
"How can you let him do that? I can still
go back, you know."
"NO! Just… just leave him alone."
"YOU could have killed him. You don’t even need his
blood. You can just kill him cuz he’s a bastard."
"I can’t kill him. I just can’t I went out with him
a long time ago… before I was a waste lock. And I couldn’t kill him then. And I ran away. I could do anything…
but he just scared me. And he still does. Don’t kill him Johnny. He’s stronger than you."
"Ha. I’ve killed
bigger guys than him."
"I know. Bigger, but not better."
"Look. He’s coming out. Are you SURE? Last chance."
fine." He started the car, and we drove off. Behind us, a red mustang pulled out, and started to follow us.
"Go a little
faster." We speeded up. So did the mustang. I noticed he still had th white stripes on it.
"He’s following us. Where
can we go other than your house?"
"Fine, whatever. I don’t want him to know where I live."
We practically flew to my old house. The white ashes blew in the breeze. They looked like a ghost in the darkness.
The opening into the basement yawned like a black pit. I got out, and tried to go into the dark. I willed myself to vanish.
It didn’t work.
"You know, Missy, if you dumped me for a fag, I’m going to be very upset."
"Leave her alone,
you stupid bastard." He whirled around. Johnny stood in front of the open basement hole.
"You’re gonna pay for that,
"Wanna bet?" Brett ran straight for Johnny. By the swerving, I would guess he had had a few more beers on the car.
Johnny grinned, intending to move at the last second. And he did. But Brett swerved again, sending them both into the basement.
ran over to the hole, but I couldn’t se anything inside. I heard some scuffling.
YOU DO, BRETT?"
"I didn’t do anything! He’s just gone into spastics! Were you guys smoking something?"
Shit… One second." I leapt down into the hole. I could see a little better because of the absence of car lights. Brett
stood off in the corner, apparently unable to do anything. Johnny was in the middle of the room, jerking and twisting. A knife
lay forgotten a few feet away. I tried to hold him down, I read somewhere that you should do that. It wasn’t that hard.
He’s so small.
Suddenly, he stopped. His eyes were closed, but an awful smile came over his face. Slowly, I stood
up and backed away. His eyes flew open, and they glowed bright red.
"I’m baaaaaaaaack." (Poltergeist)
Johnny cut it out. You’re scaring me. Johnny?"
"No, not Johnny. It’s me, Marissa. Damon."
"WHAT THE HELL
DID YOU DO?"
"You didn’t think I was gone, did you? No, I’m still here. And now I have a body. Thank you for
bring it here, by the way."
"Are you SURE he wasn’t smoking anything?"
"SHUT-" Before I could finish, Damon picked
up the knife and flung it at Brett. Brett slumped to the floor, the shiny blade emerging from his back. (Violence!)
you really must learn to do something other than to say that. You must know by now it doesn’t work." I stared at Brett.
"Um, I liked Johnny. GET OUT OF HIM YOU PSYCHO BEAR!"
"No, I’m not going to. I can’t release the monster
without him. There’s too much blood on the floor. That idiot just made it wet AGAIN, so I have to wait longer."
monster WON’T escape! I won’t let it! I’m going to keep the floor wet, and you can’t stop me."
but I can. I’m going to kill you, too. Then there will be no one to bring the blood."
"NO!" I pulled the knife from
my boot. Damon laughed.
"Yes. Stab me. Your one love. Come on, right here." He raised Johnny’s arms, the knife he
held clattering to the floor.
"Auuuughh…. SHIT! You stupid FLOOR! This is YOUR fault!" I slammed the knife into the
blood soaked floor. A beam of light came out, temporarily blinding me.
"NO! NO! You BITCH!"
The light spread, and seeing
a possible solution, I stabbed again and again. The floor disintegrated as I watched, and I ran for the stairwell, Damon right
behind me. I pulled myself out onto the cold ground, and watched that stupid floor disappear. I couldn’t believe it
was so simple. All those years of being a waste lock, and the answer was so close, so simple.
"NOOO! NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO!!!!
You’ve ruined it all! You BITCH!"
Damon jumped at me, and I dodged him. Shoot, the violence just doesn’t end
tonite. I ran from Damon. I realized I had Elijah in my pocket, but he didn’t seem to be talking. Suddenly, Damon stopped,
and grinned horribly. His red eyes narrowed.
"You know I can’t die, don’t you? I can’t… but HE
"NO!" He’s going to kill Johnny… and take his body. Shit, I feel like I’m on the X-files.
won’t be dead untill you say he is.’
‘He wasn’t real to begin with.’ An idea
occurred to me.
I’m not a waste lock anymore. I can die.
I took the knife, and pulled it across my wrist.
Red blood poured out. I smiled.
"Prepare to die, Damon, you FUCKER!"
"NO! NO! "
"YES! I won’t let you kill
Johnny! You can die, because I MADE YOU! YOU’RE NOT REAL WITHOUT ME!"
"FUCK! I WAS SO CLOSE!"
"I KNOW!" I sunk
to the ground. Dew from the grass soaked through my jeans. Not that I was in any position to care.
"Marissa? Marissa? What
did you do? What happened, Marissa?" Johnny was back in his body. He knelt over me. I grinned weakly.
"I saved you…
Damon… he was in you… and he was going to kill you… but I killed him! I killed HIM!"
OK. You’re a waste lock You’re gonna be OK!"
"No… floor gone… I de- destroyed it. I’m going
"HOW? How did you destroy it? I’m coming with you, Marissa."
"You st-stupid idiot. I’m dying
to s-save you. I’m not gonna let you kill yourself."
The world went black. I’m
dead. For real. And the universe still exists.
"Very nice. You went the old ‘hero’ way. Can’t
say I’m not surprised."
"Satan?" I sat up.
"Yes, yes, very good. I always did say we got the bright ones down
"Cut the stupid sarcasm. I guess I’m down here for good now, aren’t I?"
"Well, I guess you could
go up to heaven if you really want…"
"Hell no. Way too many flying bunnies up there. And I don’t think they
"Fine with me."
"Is Johnny OK?"
"No. I thought you KNEW him."
"You know what I mean."
alive, and he’s still trying to get you to come back. It’s quite sad."
"I’m not allowed to go back, am
"No. That’s not allowed. That is absolutely against the rules. Sorry, there is just no way."
"Well, I guess
I’ll go get a brainfreezy then…" I started to walk off.
"Wait one second…"
I sat up. For the second
time in a month, I was alive. Again. Wow. I am SO lucky.
And I ruined another shirt.
I swear, I ought to stop buying
shirts I like.
It looked like I was still in my backyard, a little beyond the treeline. Johnny sat a few feet away, his
back to me, crying softly. I stood up shakily, and walked up behind him. He didn’t hear.
Now, to say something and
hug him… OR…grab him and scream really loud, scaring the crap out of him.
I hate these moral
Two seconds later
"Holy SHIT! I thought you were DEAD! That was an awful
"Oh, I was. But I’m better now, I guess."
I gave him a big hug. It had been
a long night.
"So what happened? I don’t really remember much after falling into your basement."
you don’t get what happened, read this, if you DO, skip to the next paragraph.) Brett knocked you down into the basement.
You started going into spastics. I tried to hold you down, cuz I read somewhere that you should do that. But then you got
this really evil smile on your face, and your eyes glowed red. Damon, apparently, was still here in the house, and he possessed
you … somehow… He was gonna kill me so I couldn’t bring any more blood. He wanted the monster to escape
for some reason. I couldn’t do anything to him, because it wasn’t him, it was YOU. If I killed him, YOU would
die, and he would take your body. So I stabbed at the floor, and it disintegrated. Lots of lights and stuff. Then Damon got
really mad, because the monster couldn’t escape from a prison that doesn’t exist. He was gonna kill you and take
your body. So I did the only thing I could to stop him. I killed him the only way possible. By destroying myself. He was a
figment of my imagination. A figment cannot exist without the mind that created it. So I died."
"But you came back?"
though you weren’t a waste lock?"
"I threatened to get a brainfreezy."
"But the only thing I don’t
get is that Damon was always telling me to go kill something. Paint the wall. Why would he say that if he wanted the monster
"He wanted you to think you had to. Human mind as a rule is opposed to being FORCED to do anything. Reverse
psychology, of a sort."
(AAAA! Brain trickery! Can’t process! Headmeats….melting…. BOOOOMMMM!)
makes sense… I guess…"
"I wanna know what kind of twisted upbringing you had that would produce a mind capable
of creating such a monster."
"I don’t actually remember that much."
"I can understand that."
I hear you
howlin’ for the moooon
Awooah, awoooah, awooah, aw aw
Could be love that you
feel, or the acid just beginning,
And there’s blood all over your shoes,
That tells me where you have been
trimmings, fingernail clippings,
Nice looking dollies with pins…
Um… I’m not insane. I swear.
I just type things I shouldn’t. This is a really cool song though… Dogs in the trash, by Tom tom club. I’m
trying to think of a way to end this.
I just have to think of the last really happy thing to top it off.
"Yeah. I’m never coming back to this place again. Maybe I’ll sell it, or something."
We got back into my car. We left Brett’s car there. They wouldn’t find a body. He was still in the
We drove home in silence, considering the things that had happened. I contemplated my life without a floor
to feed. I can’t remember much of my life pre-floor. Right after floor, Damon showed up, and after him Elijah popped
up. Speaking of Elijah…
I reached into my pocket for the little heart. I pulled him out. The purple stone no longer
held a voice. It was silent as the grave. A somehow red crack ran through the center.
‘I’ll miss you, Elijah.’
he was still there, inside me, I guess. It’s judt having an internal voice is more fun when it seems to come from somewhere
else. It makes me seem less insane.
Am I still insane? I don’t really know. Let me think.
‘Go light something
on fire! Fire is good…"
Well, I guess that answers that!
YAY! I’m done. I might write a sequel. If I
do, It’ll be up in a few days.
Our friend Jenny and us had this really good idea. We’re gonna refer to ourselves
in the plural form for a whole week. Maybe longer. (Watch the people around us develop facial tics)
Hey, We figure if our
teachers are SO INTENT on teaching us about pronouns, we’re gonna learn them. And learn them we shall. We have a speech
tomarro. About ourselves.
Worry, people. Worry.
I'm writing a sequel called Sqeegee