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Noah's Ark is bunk
Noah's Ark is bunk

Noah’s ark is bunk

Ok, here’s the sitch: Earth is overrun by evil people. So this all-powerful God person says, I have an Idea. I’ll save the eight good people left (who all happen to be related to each other, righty-ho) and kill everything else.

Then he has this thought: Oh, no, what about the animals?

So he gets this 600-year old guy named Noah (he was 600, it’s in the Bible) to build a huge ark and save 7 pairs of each clean animal and 2 pairs of each unclean animal and 7 pairs of each kind of bird.

They float for 40 days and nights.

The boat is 450 by 45 by 75 feet, and made out of cedar. (this is all according to my mother’s bible, which I don’t have here, otherwise I’d site it.

Slight logical fallacy: You’re telling me that this insanely old guy is going to catch about 14 animals of EACH KIND from 7 continents, and then get ALL OF THEM, and enough food to feed all of them, for 40 days and nights (over a month) into a boat that is 1,417,500 feet square.

Okay, this is just a cow, here. They eat 90 POUNDS of ‘vegetarian food” every day.

(http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/ask_earl/page?d=20001219)

Cows are “clean” animals, meaning that that would be 90 pounds times 14 animals times 40 days is 50,400 POUNDS of “vegetarian food.”

That’s for ONE SPECIES, and assuming we don’t go into breeds.

Now, what about the meat eating animals? He’d have to catch enough animals to feed the lions, tigers, and such, PLUS all the animals that he had to take LIVE in the ship.

Starting to look kind of unlikely here?

Then, there’s the question of the wood. Now, this, unlike my other points, isn’t so well researched, but I’ve seen video of the middle east and such, and there isn’t enough wood to build a raft, let alone a giant ark. It just isn’t happening.

“But Melissa!” you guys whine “God helped him! God is all-powerful!”

So how come this all-powerful guy had to flood an entire planet and drown millions of innocent animals (Moral vegetarians, eat your heart out) instead of just killing the humans?

Eh?

That’s what I thought.

Okay, now we’re going to assume that floors and such take zero space, and nothing on the ship has to move for 40 days. Now, people, with enough air to breathe, standing up take up about 6x2x2 or 24 square feet. Times 8 people that’s 192 feet square.

Now back to the cows. There’s 14 of these cows, and we’re going to say they take up 10x5x5 feet which is 250 square feet times 14 cows is 3500 square feet.

Now, the lions and tigers. Between them, there’s 24 of them. (I’m assuming they’re ‘clean.’ Lions and tigers kick ass. In Kenya) They’d take about 6x4x4 feet, times 24 is

2304 square feet.

So, between those four alone that’s 192+3500+2304 = 5996

Assuming they ate twice their own body mass in 40 days, that’s 5996x3=17, 979

1,417,500-17,979= 1,399,521

Great. Still plenty of room left. Now all we have to get on are the pigs horses camels birds crocodiles lemmings badgers seals bears monkeys antelopes zebras bison everything else and don’t forget the god-damned mosquitoes.

One more point: If, as the bible says, we are all descended from Adam and Eve, and then the 8 people on the Ark (Noah, his 3 sons, and their wives) and nobody had kids with anybody they weren’t married to, it means that we are descended from first siblings and then first cousins, making us the most inbred species ON THE PLANET.

This would, however, explain the horrible outbreak of Stupid Disorder in the world.

This is all until I think of some other good points. If you want to read a good story about Noah’s ark, go here.> http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1938449

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Disagree? You're wrong. But you can yell at me anyway at Blahsblah2001@yahoo.com